


The Chronology of Wind

by swellguy



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-28
Updated: 2015-02-02
Packaged: 2018-02-27 07:25:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 35,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2684318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swellguy/pseuds/swellguy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An alternate timeline story where Aradia becomes John's patron troll instead of Vriska, resulting in long-reaching consequences that sets up a different endgame than originally intended. Work in progress. (Now with more quirk fixes!)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Begin.

Your name is JOHN EGBERT and unfortunately, you have a slight problem on your hands. You're currently in the middle of trying to wrap a PRESENT for one of your best friends, only to be interrupted incessantly by all these trolls coming out of their proverbial woodwork. The last one in particular has gotten under your skin, however, as much as you try to play it off as being beneath you. To be fair though, this is all rather concerning to you. They know your name, what you're doing, and in the last troll's case, what they're going to do with you.

You quietly whistle to yourself to help take your mind off things while you package the shirts and pumpkin seeds into the box. But no matter how crappy your whistling is, you can't help but dwell on just how persistent these trolls are in their game of make-believe-alien-on-human harassment. The fact they know so much about you does lend some credibility to their claims, and you have yet to outwit them with the tried and true "Which card am I holding up?" trick. They always seem to know, no matter how many times you shuffle the deck!

One of the many crackpot theories you have about the trolls is that they are all actually disgusting monsters that live underneath the beds of innocent children, traveling from bedroom to bedroom and spying on their occupants like a bunch of perverts. It's definitely a lot more plausible than time travel.

Great, now you can't help but picture these trolls as anything other than differently-colored versions of Howie Mandel from Little Monsters. With a couple of nervous glances at the bottom of your bed for good measure.

But just as you absentmindedly put the finishing touches on your gift, a chat window pops up on your COMPUTER SCREEN.

Another troll, fantastic. The thought of just blocking them straight away briefly crosses your mind, but you might as well humor them. After all, your PRANKSTER'S GAMBIT can't possible get any lower, and if you're lucky, you might even earn some of it back! With heavy hands and a not-so-heavy heart, you set yourself to the task.

apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling ghostyTrickster [GT]  


AA: it is rather unf0rtunate that we are talking under these circumstances but s0 it must be   
GT: great, another troll, that just what i need right now!   
GT: can't you see that i'm busy?   
AA: actually it d0esnt l00k like y0ure busy right n0w   
GT: oh, i guess i walked right into that one.   
AA: anyways im 0nly c0ntacting y0u because i have n0 0ther ch0ice   
AA: i need t0 warn y0u 0f what will happen in the near future   
AA: y0u will be resp0nsible f0r 0ur sessi0n failing and d00ming us all   
AA: there is little i can d0 t0 st0p it fr0m happening but i can at least mitigate the damage y0u and y0ur friends will d0   
GT: uhhh, what?   
AA: all will be revealed in due time   
AA: but the p0int 0f this c0nversati0n is to let y0u kn0w that we will be w0rking t0gether t0 fix that mistake when the time c0mes   
AA: im afraid i cann0t tell y0u any m0re inf0rmation regarding y0ur mistake with0ut disrupting the timeline   
AA: causality is a fickle c0ncept after all   
GT: wow, you guys are really serious about this, aren't you?   
GT: i'm just going to mosey over to this handy dandy block button right here, if you don't mind!   
AA: bef0re y0u d0   
AA: i want t0 let y0u kn0w that im being c0mpletely h0nest and seri0us in this discussi0n   
AA: 0ur self app0inted leader is the 0ne wh0 0rchestrated the initial c0nfusi0n and mistrust between 0ur gr0ups   
GT: well, it's hard trying not to be a skeptic when the other party claims to be time-traveling aliens from outer space!   
GT: you do realize how absurd that sounds, right?   
AA: yes   
AA: but thats the truth   
AA: n0t that it will change the 0utc0me 0f this c0nversati0n   
AA: the purp0se 0f this c0nversati0n is t0 make y0u aware 0f my existence   
AA: i will c0ntact y0u again when the time is right and h0pefully by then we will be 0n better terms   
AA: but bef0re this c0nversati0n ends   
AA: i can answer any min0r questions you may have f0r me   
AA: it is the least i can d0 t0 earn y0ur trust   
GT: hmmm...   
GT: can you at least tell me your name?   
AA: aradia   
AA: ribbit   
GT: oh jeez, do you happen to be a frog as well?   
AA: l0ng st0ry but yes   
GT: hahaha!   
GT: you're lucky that i'm not french or i might mistake you for grub!   
AA: what d0es that mean   
AA: it w0uld be very difficult t0 c0nfuse us with 0ur y0unger selves   
GT: er, nevermind.   
GT: anyways!   
GT: my name's john, but you probably knew that already.   
AA: it d0esnt hurt t0 be p0lite   
AA: as much as it w0uld kill s0me of the 0thers here t0 say that   
GT: or in your case, make them croak!   
AA: 0kay i have t0 admit thats pretty funny   
AA: but arent y0u f0rgetting s0mething imp0rtant right n0w   
AA: specifically that b0x in fr0nt 0f y0u   
GT: oh shoot, you're right!   
GT: i need to go send this gift off before the post office closes.   
GT: it's been nice talking to you, aradia ribbit!   
GT: maybe you trolls aren't so bad after all.   
AA: until next time j0hn   
AA: als0 my last name isnt ribbit   
AA: ribbit   
AA: f0rget it   


apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased trolling ghostyTrickster [GT]  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to postface this by saying that this is my first attempt at fanfiction, but far from my first attempt at writing creative works. I have found myself recently smitten with the Homestuck universe, so I reciprocated in the only way I could: through writing, since my artistic capabilities are otherwise too shit to even grace a child's doodling book.
> 
> The first three chapters were all written beforehand, and each subsequent chapter after that will be added as they come. And please, do leave comments and suggestions, even if all you wish to do is yell at me for being grotesquely incompetent at making a compelling story.


	2. John: Be Aradia.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aradia gets sidelined by everyone's favorite troll.

You are now suddenly Aradia.

Rapping your metallic fingers across the desk, you stare blankly at the timelines scattered across Trollian's interface. Having just wrapped up your first conversation with John, you take count of the other timelines that are currently in the fray. Twelve lines keep track of the trolls, while four of them keep track of the humans. At the top of these lines lay a scattered and menacing array of lights, which you and the others refer to as The Scratch. In other words, you and your friends are all trapped on this asteroid until that moment comes.

It also so happens that time exists in a fairly loose state here, existing not as a line but instead as several diverging points. After all, one could contact their past and future selves if they so wished, only to wind up creating stable time loops and to ensure that what will happen has in fact, already happened. Such is the nature of your doomed session. Or as you like to say it, d00med.

This time stuff tends to be confusing to those who aren't versed in it. But seeing as you're the Maid of Time and all, it comes to you rather naturally. The trick to time travel is to just roll with it and try not to overthink it. Otherwise, you'll just wind up in yet another doomed timeline, and that would mean another dead Aradiabot. Oh wait, d00med*.

A new window pops up on the COMPUTER SCREEN, and you briefly hesitate to answer it. The sight of cerulean blue text never makes for a good conversation.

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]  


AG: Heeeeeeeey!!!!!!!!   
AA: what d0 y0u want   
AG: Aw, that's no way to greet an old friend like me.   
AG: I just wanted to get in touch with you again, that's all!   
AA: there is n0thing t0 discuss between the tw0 0f us   
AG: Oh, your words are especially venomous today!   
AG: Did someone spill gru8sauce on your circuit 8oards this morning?   
AA: are y0u g0ing s0mewhere with this 0r are y0u just g0ing t0 sit there and m0ck me until the h00fbeasts c0me h0me   
AG: Come on, don't be such a drag! Can you at least lighten up for once?   
AA: its hard n0t t0 be when y0u kn0w everything is c0ming t0 an end   
AA: that and talking t0 the pers0n that murdered me via pr0xy friend isnt helping either   
AG: You got your revenge, didn't you?   
AG: I mean, you left me to die in a puddle of my own 8lood after 8eating me into a pulp!   
AG: You could at least act just a little 8it satisfied about that. I know I would!!!!!!!!   
AA: except y0ure c0nveniently leaving 0ut the rather small and inc0nsequential part where y0u achieved g0d tier because 0f said beatd0wn   
AA: s0 n0 it wasnt really revenge   
AA: and i cant really kill y0u if i tried    
AA: n0t that i want t0 since its c0mpletely p0intless n0w   
AG: Alright, alright, I get the picture.   
AG: Gosh, you're so depressing to talk to. 8ut enough about you, let's talk a8out someone more important. Like me!   
AG: I wanted to consult with you about the plan I currently have laid out for the humans, 8ut I will need you to listen.   
AG: It'll 8e gr8, trust me!   
AA: 0k s0 why are y0u even b0thering t0 tell me this   
AA: w0uldnt there be 0thers m0re receptive to the machinations 0f y0ur thinkpan than i d0nt kn0w   
AA: me   
AG: Nope.   
AG: I mean, everyone here either avoids me or is terrified of me to some extent. It's starting to get kind of awkward around here.   
AA: i w0nder why   
AG: I could list each case individually, like how Karkat thinks I'm a creep, Terezi still h8s my guts, or how Kanaya has a chip on her nub for some reason........   
AA: is it because y0ure a c0mpletely awful pers0n t0 even be ar0und   
AA: im pretty sure thats the reas0n why   
AG: Nonsense!   
AG: It's 8ecause they're all jealous of my success, that's why!   
AA: i think c0ngratulati0ns are in 0rder as y0uve s0meh0w managed to edge 0ut eridan as the biggest d0uchebag 0n this r0ck   
AG: Okay, I think you and I 8oth know that no one here is more pathetic than Eridan.   
AA: alright ill give y0u that at least   
AG: ;;;;)   
AG: The reason why I contacted you specifically 8ecause you just got in touch with one of the humans!   
AA: s0   
AA: havent y0u and a few 0thers d0ne s0 t00   
AG: Not to the extent you did!   
AG: You actually tried to level with the John human instead of going along with Karkat's scheme! I'm not sure whether to praise or admonish you.   
AA: wait did y0u just admitted t0 spying 0n me   
AA: because thats what it s0unds like   
AG: Yes, but it's only necessary 8ecause........   
AG: I have........ W8 for it........   
AG: ........   
AG: W8 for it........   
AA: 0h n0   
AG: Aaaaaaaall the irons in the fire!!!!!!!! :::;)   
AA: just get 0n with it   
AG: Alright, alright, no need to get your heft satchels all tangled up in a 8unch!   
AG: The plan is this: You step away from the John human as he will 8e my pet project.   
AG: You can go pester the other humans and help them out, 8ut I feel that John is the most capable mem8er of the group!   
AG: Therefore, it is only fitting that the most capa8le member of our group should 8e the one to guide him once he enters the Medium!   
AG: That person, of course, 8eing me. And not you.   
AA: 0k   
AA: y0u c0uld have just said that at the beginning y0u kn0w   
AA: instead 0f just d0ing the thing y0u did and leading me 0n   
AG: If that was the case, then there would be no fun in it for me!   
AG: 8ut I hope we've reached an understanding. If not, well, them's the 8r8ks!   
AA: fine   
AA: ribbit   
AA: y0u win   
AA: i d0nt really care ab0ut all 0f this s0   
AA: g0 and d0 y0ur thing that will n0 d0ubt ruin the wh0le game f0r us   
AA: ill just be here t0 watch y0ur inevitable failure fr0m afar   
AG: That's the spirit!   
AG: Anyways, I have 8etter things to do right now than listen to more of your usual doom and gloom schtick.   
AG: L8r!!!!!!!!   


arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]  


AA: g00d luck   



	3. Aradia: Pester Sollux.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aradia enlists some help from an old friend.

A mechanical grunt escapes your voice box as you close the chat window. Despite the conversation having mentally worn you down, you still have much work to do. You may not be able to alter the timeline until after The Scratch, but you can certainly help speed things along and change what happens after.

Your main TASK is to guide John along his journey through the Medium and help carry out his quest. It's not like you're doing this solely out of goodwill and cheer, either. The timeline has decreed it must be so, and you're destined to carry out the sequence of events come hell, high water, or some combination of the two.

But setting up all of this would require a lot of diligence and even more careful planning. If just one tiny slip-up occurs and Vriska catches on, it would no doubt lead to your untimely demise. You might be a relatively powerful time-traveling ghost inhabiting the body of a blue-blooded robot, but your powers still pale in comparison to what a god tier is capable of. Especially if she finds out you've been trying to ruin her pet project.

Which is why you will need to employ some sabotage to hide your tracks. You're going to be like Troll Buddy Rich flying off the handle, and no one would be any the wiser. In other words, you're going to need Sollux's expertise to help you out.

...

Yeah, this is totally not going to be awkward or anything, especially considering the fact that you haven't talked to him ever since you've inhabited this new body. Choosing your words carefully, you decide the best course of action would be to address him in private rather than try to discuss anything out in the open and garner undue attention.

Here goes nothing.

apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]  


AA: hell0   
AA: ribbit   
TA: what the fuck.   
TA: out of every po22iible tiime two contact me, you do iit liike thi2?   
TA: for fuck2 2ake.   
TA: iif you have 2omethiing two 2ay, at lea2t do iit iin front of my face.   
TA: iim fucking 2iittiing riight acro22 from you.   
AA: i ap0l0gize in advance f0r n0t getting in t0uch with y0u s00ner but f0r all intents and purp0ses we must c0mmunicate like s0   
TA: why don't you ju2t leave me alone?   
TA: that2 a much better iidea iif you a2k me.   
AA: i understand h0w y0u must be feeling right n0w   
AA: but i c0me t0 y0u f0r a request   
AA: and n0t t0 st0ke the fires 0f anim0sity between us   
AA: all i ask is that y0u indulge me   
TA: how about you iindulge my bone bulge iin2tead?   
TA: ii am defiiniitely not in the mood two talk two equiiu2 new fetii2hii2tiic 2eed flap doll.   
AA: all equius has d0ne is pr0vide me a physical medium f0r me t0 interact with the w0rld   
AA: there is n0thing between us   
TA: yeah, liike iim just goiing two beliieve that kii22 2la2h hate2nog the two of you 2hared never happened.   
TA: come the FUCK on, iim no iidiiot and you damn well know iit.   
TA: ii refuse two be played the fool iin thii2 pathetiic game of 2iimulacre stoogiing.   
AA: if y0u want the wh0le st0ry, then i will have n0 pr0blem giving y0u my side of it   
AA: i 0nly wish f0r y0u t0 hear me 0ut   
TA: fiine. ii wiill lii2ten two your tragiic back2tory whiile ii bang my head on the de2k iin front of me, whiich you wiill no doubt hear wiith your 2ynthetiic auriicular 2ponge clot2.    
TA: expect me two not giive much of a 2hiit.   
AA: 0k   
AA: imagine if y0ur lack of c0rp0real state has left y0u r0bbed of em0ti0n f0r what feels like centuries   
AA: then y0u pr0ceed t0 merge with a fr0g in 0rder t0 ensure the success 0f 0ur sessi0n   
AA: and then finally being given a physical b0dy to inhabit that has blue bl00d running thr0ugh it   
AA: the sudden sh0ck 0f sensati0ns 0verwhelmed me   
AA: i was caught in a temp0rary stage 0f unrestrained em0ti0ns altering rapidly between grief, rage, apathy, and l0ve   
AA: bef0re i ended up calming d0wn and suppressing them   
TA: waiit, 2o youre telliing me that the whole thiing was a mii2under2tandiing two begiin wiith?   
AA: yes   
AA: as much as equius w0uld like t0 insist that we are in a relati0nship   
AA: it is very much 0ne-sided 0n his end   
TA: then why couldnt you ju2t tell u2 that earliier? not that ii care or anything.   
AA: because the time was n0t right   
AA: fate must be preserved until the m0ment arrives   
AA: if i said anything earlier it w0uld lead to c0nsequences that c0uld possibly d00m the timeline   
AA: i am acting 0nly 0ut 0f necessity   
TA: ii gue22 ii can iinform the other2 that you are now avaiilable for court2hiip and ready two get iinvolved iin thii2 clu2terfuck hiive of vaciilatiion.   
AA: n0 d0nt   
TA: relax, iim only pulliing your frond. do you thiink ii really care about the other2 two give a grub2 fuck about theiir relatiion2hiip ii22ue2.   
TA: because the an2wer iis and wiill alway2 be no.   
TA: anyway2 ii gue22 thiis ii2 the part where ii 2hould apologiize about being 2o ho2tiile earliier. ii was actiing liike if kk found out that hii2 2hiity 2ta2h of 2leaze novel2 2uddenly went mii22iing.   
AA: ap0l0gy accepted   
AA: i understand that m0st 0f us are getting edgy ar0und here   
AA: m0st 0f us were n0t in c0ntinu0us c0ntact when we were in the game   
AA: but n0w that we are it is excepti0nally difficult n0t t0 step 0n nubs   
AA: hence my silence   
TA: that2 actually a pretty fuckiing 2mart poliicy. ii thiink ii miight do the 2ame.   
AA: as much as i appreciate y0ur enthusiasm there are still things that need t0 be taken care 0f   
AA: which is why i g0t in t0uch with y0u in the first place   
AA: i need y0u t0 d0 me a fav0r   
TA: ii 2uppose ii owe you one 2iince you 2at through my u2ual rant of 2elf-loathiing and piity that warbled out from my iignorance tunnel.   
TA: 2o, iim lii2teniing.   
AA: can y0u 0bscure my activity 0n tr0llian fr0m prying eyes   
AA: n0tably vriskas   
AA: i w0uld explain m0re ab0ut my plan   
AA: but it w0uld p0ssibly endanger the timeline   
AA: and im n0t willing t0 take that risk   
TA: cryptiic as ever.    
TA: that2 a pretty hiigh order, but youre lookiing at the 2harpe2t 2ponge two have ever graced alterniia2 fe2teriing 2hitheap communiity of hu2ktop hacker2.   
TA: iit wont be a problem.   
AA: thank y0u   
TA: what ill probably d0 ii2 that iill make your timeliine and viiewport 2tatiic two everyone, and your me22ages wiill al2o be blacked out when an out2iide party attempt2 two viiew them.   
AA: n0t pr0bably   
AA: will   
TA: iif ii diidnt know any better about your tiime travel 2henaniigan2, iid call you out for tryiing two patroniize me.   
TA: 2eriiou2ly, you miight be dead but you need two bru2h up on your 2ociial etiiquette or el2e 2omeone miight take iit the wrong way.   
AA: s0rry   
AA: als0 n0w that we are 0n the subject 0f time   
AA: i w0uld like t0 menti0n s0mething that will happen a little bef0re 4 h0urs fr0m the end   
TA: let me gue22, iit wiill be my untiimely demii2e that would fiinally liiberate me from thi2 hellii2h, barren exii2tence. plea2e tell me that2 the ca2e.   
AA: actually   
AA: its mine   
TA: oh. well, fuck.   
AA: but yes   
AA: my r0b0tic b0dy will suddenly start t0 malfuncti0n and wind up expl0ding a sh0rt time later   
AA: after that i cann0t tell y0u what happens   
AA: but please d0 n0t n0t be frightened when the time c0mes   
AA: i wish we c0uld discuss this under different circumstances   
AA: but there is much w0rk t0 be d0ne   
TA: thii2 ii2 a biit much two take iin at once.   
TA: but iif youre okay wiith iit, ii dont 2ee why ii cant be eiither.   
TA: but after ii tiinker with your trolliian account, iim goiing to liie down 2omewhere and thiink long and hard about thii2 all.   
AA: thank y0u f0r everything   
TA: dont mentiion iit.   
TA: untiil next tiime, ii gue22.   
AA: g00dbye   


apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA]  



	4. Aradia: Contact John.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aradia consults with everyone's other favorite troll.

You cannot do that yet!

As much as you'd like to get started now, it appears that Sollux has temporarily locked you out of your account while he tinkers about with it. You have no clue how long it will take (spoilers: you do), but it will be a while until it's ready. It also appears that most of the other trolls are busy elsewhere within the laboratory, seeing as there are only four people in here at the moment: you, Sollux, Karkat, and Terezi, to be precise. The latter two are sitting next to each other, as per usual.

Terezi appears to be preoccupied at the moment, alternating between a healthy rhythm of licking every square inch of her COMPUTER SCREEN in an unusually EROTIC and MESMERIZING way and clacking away noisily at her keyboard. It's almost poetic that she is what you would consider to be one of the saner trolls that's stuck on this asteroid.

Karkat, on the other hand, looks to be caught in another one of his usual depressive-rage cycles, complete with arm flailing and punctuated with an occasional expletive for good measure. In other words, he's probably open to chatting.

0f c0urse, y0u already knew that this c0nversati0n w0uld be inevitable. 0therwise, y0u w0uldn't be the Maid 0f Time. And that's n0t 0kay.

You hear an audible groan come from Karkat's general direction as you approach him from behind. He spins about in place to face you with his usual cheer and geniality. That is, with a scowl and INCESSANT SHOUTING.

KARKAT: OH, PERFECT, JUST FUCKING PERFECT.  
KARKAT: THAT'S JUST WHAT I NEED RIGHT NOW. NO, NO, THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I NEED RIGHT NOW!  
KARKAT: A PSYCHOPATHIC KILLBOT SNEAKING UP ON ME WHILE I WITHER AWAY IN THE THROES OF SHEER HATRED FOR EVERYONE IN THIS UNIVERSE AND THE NEXT, AND PROBABLY THE ONE AFTER THAT TOO.  
KARKAT: HERE, WHY NOT I GET YOU SOME ROPE SO YOU CAN HANG ME AND I CAN FINALLY BE FUCKING DONE WITH THIS FESTERING MUDHOLE OF A LIFE.  
KARKAT: EVERYONE WOULD BE BETTER OFF THAT WAY.  
ARADIA: except that w0nt happen  
KARKAT: OF COURSE IT WON'T BECAUSE I WAS FUCKING JOKING.  
KARKAT: YOU DO KNOW WHAT A JOKE IS, RIGHT? BECAUSE NORMALLY YOU WOULD SAY SOMETHING LIKE "HAHAHA" IN RESPONSE TO ONE.  
ARADIA: hahaha  
KARKAT: EXCEPT THIS ONE WASN'T FUNNY.  
ARADIA: 0h  
KARKAT: ANYWAYS.  
KARKAT: WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? I KNOW THERE'S NO OTHER REASON WHY YOU'D APPROACH ME OTHERWISE, SINCE YOU'RE SO HELLBENT ON MAKING SURE CAUSALITY OR WHATEVER THE FUCK IS MAINTAINED IN THESE GOD DAMN INFINITE PARADOX LOOP-KILL-ME-NOW-REACHAROUNDS.  
ARADIA: actually  
ARADIA: i just wanted t0 talk  
KARKAT: HUH.  
KARKAT: I GUESS I SHOULD BE SURPRISED, BUT I'M NOT.  
ARADIA: specifically ab0ut the plans y0u have been carrying 0ut f0r the humans  
KARKAT: YOU MEAN THE ALIENS? YEAH, MY PLAN TO TROLL THE FUCK OUT OF THEM IS WORKING OUT QUITE FUCKING SWIMMINGLY. THAT WAS SARCASM, IF YOU COULDN'T TELL.  
ARADIA: d0nt y0u think this idea 0f y0urs was c0mpletely awful t0 start with  
ARADIA: we sh0uld be helping them 0ut instead of trying to instigate them as enemies  
ARADIA: while they are part 0f the reas0n were stuck here  
ARADIA: they are als0 0ur 0nly way 0ut  
KARKAT: THANKS, I WOULD HAVE NEVER MADE SUCH A FUCKING ASTUTE OBSERVATION, CAPTAIN OBLIVIOUS.  
KARKAT: OBVIOUS, WHATEVER.  
KARKAT: BUT I JUST CAN'T STAND LOOKING AT THESE CHUCKLEFUCKS FOR TOO LONG. WHAT, WITH THEIR WEAK SKIN AND DOUGHY-LOOKING BODIES THAT NOT EVEN A LOW-BLOOD LUSUS COULD CARE FOR.  
KARKAT: YOU AT LEAST UNDERSTAND WHERE I'M COMING FROM, RIGHT?  
ARADIA: yes but d0nt y0u think y0ure 0verreacting a little  
ARADIA: i mean y0u are 0ur leader f0r a reas0n  
ARADIA: y0ure supp0sed t0 be the rati0nal 0ne  
ARADIA: the f0undati0n 0f 0ur gr0up  
KARKAT: MAYBE.  
KARKAT: BUT IT'S HARD NOT TO WHEN THIS WAS THE RESULT OF OUR HARD WORK.  
KARKAT: A BUNCH OF SPINELESS WIMPS WAS WHAT CAME OUT OF OUR BLOOD, SWEAT, AND TEARS. NOT BADASS WARRIORS, BUT NOODLY-ARMED WEAKLINGS NOT EVEN DESERVING TO BE CULLED.  
TEREZI: QU1T T4LK1NG 4BOUT YOURS3LF K4RK4T, 1TS EMB4R4SS1NG!  
KARKAT: DOES IT LOOK LIKE I ASKED FOR YOUR INPUT? OH WAIT, THAT'S RIGHT.  
TEREZI: >:[  
KARKAT: YEAH, THOUGHT SO.  
ARADIA: d0nt y0u think theres a reas0n why all this happened  
KARKAT: YEAH, THE GAME FUCKED US OVER, THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED. CASE CLOSED, DETECTIVE VANTAS HAS SOLVED YET ANOTHER STUPID MYSTERY. HERE'S MY NUMBER.  
ARADIA: n0  
ARADIA: think a bit m0re deeply ab0ut why it happened instead 0f taking it at face value  
ARADIA: if y0u ask me  
ARADIA: i believe it had t0 d0 with 0ur subc0nsci0us  
KARKAT: WHAT DO YOU MEAN? THAT WE ALL SECRETLY WANTED TO BE LIMP-NOBBED PANSIES ON THE INSIDE?  
KARKAT: BECAUSE I KNOW SOME PEOPLE THAT FIT THE BILL.  
ARADIA: n0t quite  
ARADIA: the new universe was designed t0 rem0ve the flaws 0ur universe had  
ARADIA: t0 create a new slate that did n0t fall victim t0 0ur cha0tic and tumul0us ambiti0ns  
ARADIA: i believe we all wanted t0 w0rk t0gether but at the same time  
ARADIA: we all wanted t0 be the star  
ARADIA: d0 y0u see where im g0ing with this  
KARKAT: THAT THE UNIVERSE IS PUNISHING US FOR BEING A DYSFUNCTIONAL GROUP OF MISANTHROPES? WOW, AMAZING OBSERVATION, I WOULD HAVE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO TELL. PLEASE, DO TELL ME MORE.  
TEREZI: GOD K4RK4T YOUR3 3V3N MOR3 1NSUFF3R4BL3 TH4N USU4L 4ND TH4TS S4Y1NG 4 LOT  
TEREZI: 1 TH1NK 4R4D14 1S ONTO SOM3TH1NG H3RE  
KARKAT: WHY ARE YOU EVEN BUTTING INTO THIS CONVERSATION ANYWAYS? I NEVER ASKED FOR YOUR OPINION.  
TEREZI: K4RK4T  
TEREZI: YOU C4N B3 ON3 OF TH3 SM4RT3ST P3OPL3 ON OUR T34M  
TEREZI: BUT YOU C4N 4LSO B3 ON3 OF TH3 DUMB3ST  
TEREZI: WH1CH 1S WHY 1 H4VE TO LOOK 4FT3R YOU! >;]  
ARADIA: im afraid i have t0 agree  
ARADIA: ribbit  
KARKAT: UGH, WHATEVER. JUST GET ON WITH WHATEVER THE FUCK IT IS YOU'RE TRYING TO SAY. AND STOP STICKING YOUR TONGUE OUT AT ME, TEREZI.  
TEREZI: >8P  
ARADIA: what im getting at is this  
ARADIA: we sh0uldnt be hindering 0ur s00n t0 be allies  
ARADIA: they are very much 0ur burden and likewise we are theirs  
ARADIA: while they will be resp0nsible f0r 0ur failure  
ARADIA: we are als0 t0 share in the blame f0r theirs  
ARADIA: theref0re i believe it is in 0ur best interests t0 assist them instead 0f trying t0 mentally shad0wb0x them  
KARKAT: EXCUSE ME WHILE I GO VOMIT ALL OVER THE FLOOR AT THE THOUGHT OF EVEN HAVING THEM AS EQUALS. TEREZI, CONTINUE TROLLING THE ALIENS WHILE I LAUGH AT THIS TIN CAN'S ABSURD NOTIONS OF HAVING A *SOUL*.  
KARKAT: HAHAHAHA.  
TEREZI: DO 1T YOURS3LF, IM S1D1NG W1TH 4R4D1A ON TH1S ON3  
ARADIA: karkat i w0uld kill y0u right n0w with n0 hesitati0n if y0u werent my friend  
ARADIA: and if it w0uldnt d00m the timeline  
ARADIA: s0 please d0nt try my patience  
KARKAT: FINE.  
KARKAT: THIS ROBOT THING IS STILL BULLSHIT, BY THE WAY. JUST LETTING YOU KNOW.  
ARADIA: n0ted  
ARADIA: but all im asking is that y0u dr0p the tr0lling scheme and try t0 actually c0mmunicate with them  
ARADIA: even if y0u d0 it in the m0st r0undab0ut way p0ssible  
ARADIA: which i kn0w y0u will since y0ure already d0ing it  
KARKAT: AND WHAT IF I DON'T?  
ARADIA: y0u will  
ARADIA: but t0 put it int0 perspective  
ARADIA: if y0u d0 n0t y0u will make every0ne else cease t0 exist because 0f y0ur pride  
ARADIA: it will be their bl00d on y0ur hands  
KARKAT: WAIT ARE YOU SERIOUS OR ARE YOU JUST PULLING MY FROND? BECAUSE THAT SOUNDS REALLY FUCKING TROUBLING.  
ARADIA: n0 it was a j0ke but pretend y0u didnt hear that anyways  
ARADIA: take my advice  
ARADIA: the humans are w0rth the eff0rt  
ARADIA: they will be b0th 0ur salvati0n and 0ur damnati0n   
ARADIA: as strange as it is t0 say   
ARADIA: i 0nly wish f0r y0u t0 change y0ur appr0ach  
KARKAT: YEAH, YEAH, I GET IT.  
KARKAT: I'M JUST STRESSED OUT ABOUT HOW SHITTY EVERYTHING IS RIGHT NOW AFTER EVERYTHING WE WENT THROUGH. WE SHOULD BE GODS RIGHT NOW, BUT ALL WE'RE DOING IS WASTING AWAY ON THIS FUCKING PILE OF ROCKS IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE.   
KARKAT: THIS WOULD ALREADY BE GROUNDS FOR A MASS SUICIDE ON DEATH HILL, WITH ME AS THE GRAND LAUGHPRIEST PRESIDING OVER THE SAD FUCKING STATE OF AFFAIRS THAT WILL ENSUE.  
KARKAT: BUT NOT ONLY THAT, WE GET TO WATCH WHAT SHOULD BE OUR WORLD BLOSSOM BEFORE OUR VERY OWN FUCKING *GANDER BULBS* WITH ZERO INPUT FROM US. WE CAN LOOK, BUT WE SURE AS FUCK CAN'T TOUCH.  
TEREZI: H4H4H4H4H4H4 TH1S 1S GR34T  
KARKAT: AND THE ONLY THING THAT PROVED WE DID ANY OF THAT WAS A BUNCH OF SHITTY CONSTELLATIONS IN THE SKY.  
KARKAT: SO FUCKING PARDON ME THAT I WANT SOME OUTLET TO VENT MY FRUSTRATION AND ANGER WHILE NOT WANTING TO PUT UP WITH YOUR CRYPTIC BULLSHIT.  
KARKAT: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!  
ARADIA: ill take that as a yes then  
ARADIA: n0w thats taken care 0f there are still many things left f0r me t0 d0  
ARADIA: i trust that y0u will be fine fr0m here 0n 0ut  
ARADIA: until next time karkat  
KARKAT: AGAIN WITH THE CRYPTIC BULLSHIT. DID YOU EVEN LISTEN TO A SINGLE WORD I JUST SAID?  
KARKAT: HEY I'M STILL TALKING TO YOU! YOU CAN'T JUST WALK AWAY FROM A CONVERSATION WHEN YOU JUST FUCKING FEEL LIKE IT. GET YOUR RUMP BACK HERE AND EXPLAIN WHAT YOU MEAN WITH ALL THIS GARBAGE NONSENSE!  
TEREZI: SH3 JUST US3D TH3 TR4NSPORT4L1Z3R K4RK4T  
TEREZI: YOU C4N STOP SHOUT1NG NOW  
KARKAT: YEAH, I KNOW. UGH.  
TEREZI: H3H3H, DO3S 4NYON3 T3LL YOU HOW CUT3 YOU LOOK WH3N YOUR3 UPS3T? >;]  
KARKAT: SHUT UP.  
TEREZI: >8]  



	5. ==>

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aradia warns John of things to come.

Not wanting to suffer through any more of Karkat's self-defeatist tirades, you abscond through the transportalizer before he gets especially capricious. Not that he would have done anything to stop you, anyhow. You wind up within the main transportalizer room, thirteen portals in all, including the one you're standing on.

Each of these portals leads to their respective troll's room, marked accordingly by their sign. You're slightly bothered by the fact that your holographic sign is a deep blue color instead of its normal rust red, but it's not like these machines can detect the hemospectrum of a half-frog, half-troll ghost. Which is disappointing seeing as how ectobiology is an actual concept. 

Stepping through your portal, you wind up within a blank, gray room that has nary a decoration to grace it. Unlike the other trolls, you have no personal attachment to your room. It is completely barren; no posters, furniture, or even a chair to lay your metallic backside on. Its only use is to grant you complete and total privacy from the wandering eyes of the others.

And you're okay with that.

Seating yourself onto the tiled floor, you decide to consult your OUIJA FETCH MODUS for what to do next. Technically, you already do know what you're going to do next, but that's beside the point. The OUIJA BOARD unfolds before you, and with careful guidance from the voices that be, the planchette begins to spell each letter one by one.

B... I... N... G... 

Your CROSBYTOP is gently deposited on the floor, much to nobody's surprise. You still don't know who this douchebag is or what his deal is, but maybe you'll find out one of these days.

Struggling a bit with the incredibly shitty trackpad of the CROSBYTOP, you manage to launch Trollian as it flickers to life before you. It looks like you can access your handle now, seeing as it isn't booting you off instantly like before. The only difference now is the presence of a DOMINO MASK in the upper right corner of the client. Hovering over it reveals that you are currently in GRAFTER MODE. While you are neither a wastrel nor a charlatan, it is a necessity as it will prevent any outside interference from disturbing your carefully laid plans.

You mouse over to John's timeline, carefully padding through it with a couple of clicks until you find the most opportune moment to contact him; specifically before he enters the Medium. Too early, you'll doom the timeline. Too late, and you'll also doom the timeline. It has to be just right.

Looking through the viewport, it doesn't appear that he's too busy at this particular moment in time. After all, he just jammed two prongthetics into a confectionery treat and appears to be discussing how to allocate a weapon into his strife specibus with a friend. You'll wait until he finishes his conversation with the other human before contacting him.

apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB]  


AA: hell0 j0hn   
EB: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!!!!!!!   
EB: i thought i changed my handle so you trolls couldn't find me!   
AA: y0u did   
EB: then how did you guys find me then?????   
EB: everything is suddenly terrible now.   
AA: well we never really l0st y0u   
AA: i c0uld explain why if y0u w0uld like   
AA: ribbit   
EB: wait a second.   
EB: i remember you. that's right, it was uh...   
EB: arcadia ribbit, wasn't it?   
EB: you were the okay one!   
AA: well f0r starters   
AA: my name is aradia   
AA: n0t arcadia   
AA: and my last name isnt ribbit   
AA: ribbit   
AA: ugh ign0re that   
EB: haha, now i remember.   
EB: sorry about that outburst earlier, that was just instinct kicking in.   
EB: for some reason i thought you were the gray guy who liked to leave his or her caps lock on.   
AA: what if i t0ld y0u that he h0lds d0wn his shift key instead   
EB: pfft, now i don't know if i should take him seriously.   
AA: y0u sh0uld but 0nly 0nce he starts actually trying t0 be nice t0 y0u   
AA: i met with him recently and he seemed t0 be keen 0n the idea   
AA: but hes g0ing to make it hard 0n himself and y0u by extensi0n   
EB: what do you mean?   
AA: i wish i c0uld explain why but it w0uld be t00 much f0r y0u t0 take in at 0nce   
AA: y0u w0nt believe any 0f it   
EB: yeah, good point. i mean, i still don't really believe that you guys are time-traveling space aliens that are part-grub, part-frog.   
AA: im the 0nly 0ne wh0se part fr0g actually   
AA: thats s0mething y0ull als0 c0me t0 understand later 0n   
EB: see, that's exactly why i can't really follow along with your trolls' crazy stories.   
EB: it's the kind of stuff you'll see in a book or movie! i'll play along with it but i don't really believe in it.   
EB: kinda like wrestling.   
AA: 0f c0urse   
AA: everything will start making m0re sense 0nce y0ure in the game   
AA: as y0ull c0me t0 realize everything is n0t as it seems   
EB: game? you mean sburb, right?   
AA: precisely   
AA: the game will be like n0ne 0ther that y0ull play   
AA: the fate 0f y0ur race will rely 0n y0ur success   
AA: and likewise 0urs   
EB: oooooh, i get it now!   
EB: you're viral marketers!   
AA: viral what   
EB: this whole trolling thing was to get us to play your game, isn't it?   
AA: well yes we want y0u t0 enter the medium   
AA: but its n0t in 0ur make 0r name   
AA: we kn0w n0t wh0 c0nstructed it   
AA: but we have played it   
AA: and l0st   
EB: lost? gee, it can't be that bad.   
AA: yes it is   
AA: i cann0t tell y0u anym0re bef0re y0u enter the game 0utside 0f a few key p0ints   
EB: okay, i guess.    
EB: i'm not sure why this game is such a big deal to have you guys pester us for years on end about it.   
AA: y0ull kn0w when the time c0mes   
AA: but im here t0 warn y0u ab0ut three things in particular bef0re y0u start the game   
EB: i'm listening, but jeez, you're making this game sound like it's some serious life-changing stuff.    
AA: y0u have n0 idea   
AA: anyways the list g0es as s0   
AA: first d0 n0t trust the w0man with the blue text   
AA: but d0 listen t0 what she has t0 say   
AA: lastly   
AA: d0 n0t menti0n 0ur c0nversati0ns t0 any0ne else   
EB: blue text woman?   
AA: she g0es by arachnidsgrip   
AA: i cann0t give y0u her actual name as it will g0 against what im trying t0 acc0mplish   
AA: but she is c0mpletely driven by her eg0 and very manipulative   
AA: it w0uld be in y0ur best interests t0 av0id getting t00 c0mf0rtable with her   
EB: ooooh, her. yeah, i remember her.   
EB: but why even bother to listen to her if that's the case?   
AA: because she is necessary t0 what will transpire in 0ur sessi0ns   
AA: with0ut her it will render everything m00t   
AA: as much as it pains me t0 say it   
AA: d0 what she says but d0 n0t be f00led   
AA: she is extremely danger0us   
EB: hm, i see.   
EB: i take it that the two of you aren't... well, on speaking terms?   
AA: m0re 0r less   
EB: well, uh, sorry for that, i guess.   
AA: n0 need t0 ap0l0gize   
AA: anyways   
AA: if that is all then i will take my leave and c0ntact y0u again 0nce y0u enter the game   
EB: wait, one more thing before you go!   
AA: yes   
EB: why am i not allowed to talk to anyone else about this?   
AA: because    
AA: im n0t supp0sed t0 be d0ing this   
AA: it w0uld have grave ramificati0ns if s0me0ne were t0 find 0ut   
AA: hence the secrecy   
AA: y0u can keep a secret cant y0u   
EB: duh! my lips are sealed tight!   
EB: wait, does this mean i can't talk to my friends about it either?   
AA: that was precisely the p0int i was making   
AA: n0w im n0t sure if i sh0uld have said anything in the first place    
AA: 0_0   
EB: oh wow, i really boned up that one didn't i.   
EB: well let me make it up to you then!   
EB: from here on out i swear that i'll keep our correspondence a complete and utter secret!   
AA: i h0pe s0   
AA: but regardless i sh0uld let y0u get g0ing   
AA: it appears that y0u will be having a l0t t0 d0 within the upc0ming h0urs   
EB: i'm not planning on it, but thanks for the fortune cookie reading anyways!   
EB: see you around aradia!   
AA: g00d luck   
AA: y0ure g0ing t0 need it   


apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased trolling ectoBiologist [EB]  



	6. Intermission.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nepeta and Equius discuss the finer points of romance.

Meanwhile, in another discrete corner of the trolls' meteor, two moirails are busy at work discussing the complexities of interpersonal relationships in regards to the flushed, pale, ashen, and caliginous varieties. But not just their own, but everybody else's as well, judging from how every square inch of the walls within the room are defaced with crudely-drawn ROMANCE CHARTS and CRACKPOT RELATIONSHIP THEORIES.

It appears that one of them are putting the finishing touches on their latest masterpiece, with the other judging silently from afar as a museum curator would. With one last stroke of a worn-down piece of black chalk, Nepeta pulls back and examines her magnum opus in all of its glorious splendor.

Equius looks less than thrilled about it, however, frowning in disapproval at the egregious display. Simply put, he doesn't understand her newfound obsession with the aliens, much less pairing them with the other trolls. From what he's seen, they don't even seem to have the same romantic complexities that trolls do, let alone having quadrants to speak of.

But this newest display is especially troubling to his sensibilities. He intends to put a stop to this tomfoolery before it gets out of hand.

EQUIUS: D--> E%cuse me, what is this degeneracy you're displaying to me right now  
EQUIUS: D--> It is e%ceptionally 100d and debased  
EQUIUS: D--> I demand an e%planation for this  
NEPETA: :33 < whats the purroblem now? :((  
EQUIUS: D--> This   
EQUIUS: D--> This is the problem  
NEPETA: :33 < well yes  
NEPETA: :33 < but what about it???  
EQUIUS: D--> I demand you to remove this at once  
EQUIUS: D--> That's an order  
NEPETA: XOO < blaaaaghhhhgghgh!!!!!!!!  
NEPETA: :33 < just tell me why furst so i dont just erase this for no reason!!  
EQUIUS: D--> Just 100king at it is enough to make me perspire at the indecency of it  
EQUIUS: D--> I am being forced to snurl as we speak  
NEPETA: :33 < yeah youre making a puddle on the floor dummy!  
NEPETA: :33 < um  
NEPETA: :33 < do you want me to go get you some towels?  
EQUIUS: D--> Ignore the p001 of my e%cretions while I will e%plain my loathing for this debauchery  
EQUIUS: D--> It pains me that not only you insist on putting Aradia in your romance bo%es  
EQUIUS: D--> But you besmirch her reputation and pol100t my senses by pairing her with one of the humans  
EQUIUS: D--> It is distasteful  
NEPETA: :33 < well im not really being too serious about it!  
NEPETA: :33 < im just accounting fur every pawsible pair-up and the human kids are no exception!!!!  
EQUIUS: D--> Have you forgotten that she is currently my matesprit  
EQUIUS: D--> Because if so, that is e%tremely cr001 and demeaning and I command you to stop  
NEPETA: :33 < no, i havent!  
NEPETA: :33 < but i think you're missing the point here, mister fussypants!!  
EQUIUS: D--> What point would that be  
NEPETA: :33 < that anything can happen and that it doesnt hurt to be purrpared!  
EQUIUS: D--> Your e%planation is not satisfactory, but I will humor it for now  
EQUIUS: D--> Who is this human anyways  
NEPETA: :33 < i think his name is john  
NEPETA: :33 < hes cute and thats enough fur me!  
EQUIUS: D--> That still doesn't e%plain the other quadrants which are just as f001ish in their design  
NEPETA: :33 < well i think him and karkat would make good moirails! i dont know why, but i just think so!  
NEPETA: :33 < vriskas purretty scary so i think they would be good kismesises because he looks like a good kid!  
EQUIUS: D--> Doesn't the caliginous quadrant requires mutual hatred between both parties  
EQUIUS: D--> It would be an unrequited black crush if that was the case  
NEPETA: :33 < not everything has to be logical!  
EQUIUS: D--> I disagree  
NEPETA: XPO < does it look like i asked for your opinion??????  
EQUIUS: D--> Well  
NEPETA: :33 < exactly! i suggest you watch your cattitude mister!  
EQUIUS: D--> Yes, ma'am  
NEPETA: :33 < as i was saying before i was so rudely interrupted!!!  
NEPETA: :33 < i havent thought about it too much!  
NEPETA: :33 < fur the ashen quadrant, im still not too sure what fits in there so i just filled it with the first thing that came to mind!  
EQUIUS: D--> Are those two Karkats  
NEPETA: :33 < no its supposed to be karkitty and me  
NEPETA: :33 < i just ran out of blue chalk to draw my hat!  
EQUIUS: D--> I thought you had flushed feelings for him  
NEPETA: :33 < like i said before!!  
NEPETA: :33 < i must account fur all pawsibilities even if they are not favorable!  
NEPETA: :33 < bl33h now you made me remember that i still havent worked up the nerve to talk to him :((  
EQUIUS: D--> Would you like me to approach him and speak on your behalf  
NEPETA: XOO < HELL NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
EQUIUS: D--> Nepeta, we've talked about your l00se language before  
EQUIUS: D--> And please do not shout  
NEPETA: :33 < sorry   
NEPETA: :33 < but it n33ds to be on my own terms!  
NEPETA: :33 < otherwise it wont work!  
NEPETA: :33 < yuck now im feline all sorts of clawful about all this  
EQUIUS: D--> If it will make you feel any better  
EQUIUS: D--> I will make an e%ception and over100k this chart of yours  
EQUIUS: D--> But under one condition  
NEPETA: :33 < :OO!  
NEPETA: :33 < and what may that be?  
EQUIUS: D--> That you refrain from using Aradia in your future, ahem  
EQUIUS: D--> Work  
EQUIUS: D--> Are we clear  
NEPETA: :33 < yes sir!!  
NEPETA: :33 < i believe i should apologize too!  
NEPETA: :33 < i didnt mean to make you feel bad  
NEPETA: :33 < just got a little carried away h33 h33!  
EQUIUS: D--> Apology a%epted  
EQUIUS: D--> You are lucky to have someone STRONG and capable like me to 100k after you  
NEPETA: :33 < yeah yeah yeah i get the picture!!!!  
NEPETA: :33 < but why didnt you stop me earlier when i included her in all my other charts?  
EQUIUS: D--> Because you did not put her in any flushed quadrants then  
EQUIUS: D--> Therefore I had little reason to eschew your activities  
NEPETA: :33 < ooooooohhhhh i see  
NEPETA: X33 < you're jealous, aren't you?????  
EQUIUS: D--> What  
EQUIUS: D--> No I'm not  
NEPETA: :33 < knew it!  
EQUIUS: D--> No  
NEPETA: :33 < yes  
EQUIUS: D--> No  
NEPETA: :33 < uh huh  
EQUIUS: D--> Stop  
NEPETA: :33 < nope  
EQUIUS: D--> Cease at once  
NEPETA: :33 < only if youll admit it!  
EQUIUS: D--> You can be rather e%cruciating to deal with at times  
NEPETA: :33 < :PP  
EQUIUS: D--> But yes, I am marginally jealous and protective of her  
EQUIUS: D--> This line of di%ussion is now over and we will pretend this never happened  
EQUIUS: D--> I hope you're pleased with yourself  
NEPETA: :33 < oh shut up and pass me the box of chalk already you oversized wiggler!!!!  
NEPETA: :33 < we aren't even halfway done with our work yet  
EQUIUS: D--> What  
NEPETA: :33 < what are you still standing there for, hurry up!  
EQUIUS: D--> One moment, I appear to be perspiring again  
EQUIUS: D--> Do you have anything I can dry off with  
NEPETA: :33 < :II  



	7. John: Obtain loot.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John gets some reassurance from Aradia after entering the Medium.

Through a series of misguided attempts at weaponizing your FETCH MODUS, you manage to slay a SHALE IMP, and by extension, your first enemy, through a mixture of incompetence, luck, and the head of a SLEDGEHAMMER. You gather up the BUILD GRIST and SHALE fragments left behind by the imp, which look suspiciously like blueberry and grape-flavored FRUIT GUSHERS. If they didn't immediately allocate themselves to your GRIST CACHE, you would probably help yourself to one. 

After doing your obligatory victory dance, it suddenly dawns on you how well you've been taking this all. One moment, you were about to be turned into a smoking crater by a meteor, and the next, your house is precariously balanced on top of a thin slab of rock. Oh, and there's also that new voice in your head. Great.

At least you're still safe inside of your own mind. Gathering up the disassembled pieces of your SLEDGEHAMMER and repair it, removing the HANDLEKIND ABSTRATUS from your STRIFE DECK and replacing it with your tried-and-true HAMMERKIND ABSTRATUS. You make a mental note to find some glue so you won't have to go through all this again.

Glancing over at your COMPUTER SCREEN, it appears that Dave is pestering you. You briefly humor the thought of answering him, but you don't have time for his usual ironic tirades right now. It doesn't help that you're somewhat concerned about Rose as well, seeing as she abruptly left you in the dark.

While also dropping your dad's car down a ravine.

However, just as you move towards the door, you notice a new window pop up on the COMPUTER SCREEN. Taking a closer look, you notice that Aradia is attempting to contact you. Maybe he/she/it will help shed some light on what the heck is going on here. Settling yourself down in your CHAIR, you decide now would be a good time to get some answers.

apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB]  


AA: hell0   
EB: oh uh, hey!   
AA: it appears that y0u are in the game n0w   
EB: yeah, about that.   
EB: after a very long time deliberating with myself and this other person in my head...   
EB: i have no absolutely no clue what's going on.   
AA: y0u are n0t al0ne j0hn   
AA: while it all seems very scary at first   
AA: y0u will adapt quickly   
AA: and s0 t00 will y0ur surr0undings   
EB: that's... not very relieving, if you ask me.   
EB: i mean, my dad has gone missing, my friend has suddenly upped and vanished like houdini, and i just beat the snot out of some black guy!   
EB: wait, that sounded wrong.   
EB: little monster guy*.   
AA: there is n0thing t0 w0rry y0urself ab0ut   
AA: y0u will c0me in c0ntact with y0ur friend and guardian again s00n   
AA: when i cann0t say   
AA: ribbit   
AA: but y0ull have t0 trust me 0n this 0ne   
EB: i don't really have much say in the matter, do i?   
EB: oh well, i'm going to believe you since it doesn't hurt to be optimistic.   
EB: but can you tell me something a little more specific? like where i'm at?   
AA: i w0uld   
AA: but y0ur purp0se and l0cati0n will be explained t0 y0u very s00n   
EB: ugh, more cryptic garbage!!! now i'm thinking that you really are trolling me.   
AA: actually   
AA: when i said very s00n i mean in the span 0f lets say   
AA: 10 minutes fr0m n0w   
EB: oh.   
EB: that's oddly specific coming from you.   
AA: yes but it w0nt be me wh0 will be giving y0u the answers y0u want right n0w   
AA: it will be 0ne 0f the game c0nstructs but wh0 specifically i cann0t say   
AA: lets say that it is s0me0ne wh0 y0u sh0uld kn0w   
EB: ugh, more ambiguous statements!! would it kill you to let me know more about what's going on?   
AA: it w0uld   
AA: if i t0ld y0u anym0re than what berth is given t0 me   
AA: then it will d00m us all   
AA: y0u included   
AA: thats why i need t0 be very careful with what i have t0 say   
EB: i have a feeling that this has to do with your guys' time travel thing, doesn't it?   
AA: that is c0rrect   
AA: we are currently l0cked in a l00p that we need t0 fulfill    
AA: despite it already having been d0ne by 0ur future selves   
AA: if we deviate fr0m what the main timeline decreed   
AA: the universe will terminate it and render it null and v0id   
EB: i think i'm following what you're saying, but i'm still not sure.    
EB: is this something like back to the future 2 where marty mcfly has to fix his mistakes because he decided to go back in time in the first movie, but winds up having to make things return to the way they were?   
EB: minus the part where his mom got the hots for him, that was just weird.   
AA: while i d0 n0t kn0w wh0 or what y0u are referring t0   
AA: that s0unds like an an apt example 0f what is happening n0w   
AA: albeit with m0re synchr0n0us elements   
EB: what do you mean by synchr0n0us?   
EB: oops, synchronous*.   
AA: time is n0t always a straight line   
AA: n0rmally we think 0f time as m0ving fr0m p0int a t0 p0int b in 0ne directi0n   
AA: which is true under n0rmal circumstances   
AA: but due t0 the nature 0f 0ur sessi0ns   
AA: 0ur timeline has a kn0t in it   
AA: where it has t0 l00p itself 0nce bef0re c0ntinuing like n0rmal   
AA: we are currently in that kn0t as we speak    
EB: is there a way out of the loop?   
AA: yes but it will c0me much much later   
AA: many things will transpire between then and n0w   
AA: im s0rry i have t0 be vague but i cann0t give y0u the wh0le picture   
AA: as tempting as it is t0 d0 s0   
EB: well, if it's any consolation, i believe you!   
EB: i think.   
EB: i mean, this stuff sounds like it would be pretty hard to make up and i'm not sure why you would bother to lie about it.   
EB: but if that was the case then i would have to commend you on outpranking the pranking MASTER!   
EB: so.   
AA: thank y0u   
AA: it seems that 0ur time is running l0w since y0u will be needed elsewhere sh0rtly   
AA: w0uld y0u like t0 ask me anything bef0re y0u g0   
AA: even if i may n0t be able t0 answer it   
EB: anything?   
EB: hmmmmmmm...   
EB: hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm......   
EB: even if it's kind of a stupid question?   
AA: 0f c0urse   
EB: well, um, sorry in advance if this sounds awkward!   
EB: but are you a boy or girl?   
EB: just curious, that's all!   
AA: its 0k   
AA: y0ur curi0sity will be a necessary trait f0r y0ur sessi0n   
AA: but t0 answer y0ur questi0n   
AA: yes i am a girl   
AA: even th0ugh it is p0intless in 0ur situati0n   
EB: i understand, but i just wanted to know for reference's sake.   
AA: 0h my   
EB: oh no i didn't mean it like that!!   
AA: n0 its   
AA: s0mething else j0hn   
AA: its in y0ur r00m but i cant really tell y0u what it is   
AA: ugh why is that there   
AA: let me pan the viewp0rt away fr0m the d00r   
AA: 0k were g00d   
EB: what was it?   
EB: was it another one of those monsters?   
AA: yes that was it   
AA: y0u can see that it tried t0 get inside   
EB: funny, i swore it was closed before.   
AA: y0ure ab0ut t0 have c0mpany s00n s0 i must depart f0r n0w   
EB: dang, okay.   
EB: i guess i'll talk to you soon! hopefully.   
AA: y0u will understand a l0t m0re ab0ut the game the next time we speak   
AA: 0r at the very least y0ull be exp0sed t0 m0re 0f its elements   
AA: but until then   
AA: watch y0ur head   


apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased trolling ectoBiologist [EB]  


EB: wait, what do you mean by watch my head?  
EB: dammit.  



	8. John: Become a condor.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pieces of the path and future are brought to light.

You cannot become a condor as you are already too busy being a human being! But you can at least fly around in this cool ROCKET PACK and pretend to be one anyways. There's also a Con-Air joke to be made somewhere, but that goes without saying. 

The last few hours have been a whirlwind of adventure, strife, and unintentional comedy, but that's putting it succinctly. Your long-dead grandmother has been posthumously revived in the form of a SPRITE, you've defeated countless hordes of oily enemies, jumped through a gate and walked through the Land of Wind and Shade, became an unpaid postman, saved a bunch of salamanders, blah blah blah blah.

Somewhere along the way, you've attracted the attention of two other trolls: carcinoGeneticist and gallowsCalibrator. You're not too sure what their deal is, but they've been a source of both trouble and decent information. The latter tried to get you to skip past everything and go take on your Denizen, but from a mixture of self-doubt and Dave's brotherly pestering (brostering?), you acquiesced. Apparently, you also somehow died during all this.

The leetspeaking troll has some more plans set for you at the moment, which you are leery of since she allegedly killed you by paradox. Or whatever it is that Dave said. Regardless, she sounded pretty apologetic in the last conversation you had, so you're still willing to give her a second chance.

You just wish you had someone to give you a second opinion about, well, anything. Everything is so mind-boggling and strange to you that you're just rolling with the punches at this point. But right as you're about to cross through the threshold of the second gate, a new message box flashes across your SERIOUS BUSINESS GOGGLES. Now that's what you call convenient timing! 

Landing on the jagged precipice below the second gate, you notice that it's from Aradia. You answer her in hopes that she can clear up some misconceptions you're having. That, or she will end up leaving you more befuddled than before. Not that you mind of course, since she's at least polite while doing it.

apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB]  


AA: i h0pe im n0t interrupting at a bad time   
EB: not at all actually!    
EB: i was hoping you'd contact me, since it feels like everything has been flying over my head.   
EB: minus this awesome jet pack, of course.   
AA: yes    
AA: it can all be rather intimidating t0 s0me0ne wh0 is al0ne   
AA: but y0u w0nt be al0ne f0r much l0nger   
EB: oh right, rose! she's supposed to be in the game now.   
EB: i need to go through this portal and go...   
EB: hang out with her, i guess??   
EB: if that one troll isn't lying to me again, that is.   
AA: y0u mean gc   
EB: yeah, her!   
AA: she is indeed telling the truth   
AA: the gate y0u are beneath leads t0 y0ur friends planet   
AA: but there is little p0int in g0ing there right n0w   
AA: as it is n0t yet time   
EB: if you say so.   
EB: i mean, i don't really have much say in the matter, do i?   
AA: c0rrect   
AA: als0 y0ur friend is currently ab0ut t0 be pre0ccupied with the c0nsequence 0f a d00med l00p y0u created   
AA: which in turn preserves 0ur timeline   
AA: s0 it is n0t wise t0 interfere   
EB: wait, a loop i made? i don't really recall doing anything out of the ordinary like that.   
AA: thats because y0u are the pr0duct 0f that l00p   
AA: d0 y0u remember when y0u were ab0ut t0 skip the gates and fight y0ur denizen   
EB: oh yeah!   
EB: dave was freaking out about it, which was kinda weird since he almost never loses his cool.   
AA: this is rather difficult t0 explain this in w0rds but i will try my best   
AA: what happened is that the timeline necessitated that y0u die s0 that y0u may currently live   
AA: in the 0riginal instance 0f the timeline y0ur friend was n0t aware 0f the repercussi0ns and c0uld n0t warn y0u 0f y0ur f0lly   
AA: this resulted in y0u dying t0 y0ur denizen and d00ming that timeline   
AA: y0ur friends h0wever were still alive alth0ugh they c0uld n0t pr0gress any further   
EB: wow, this got morbid fast.   
AA: yes but y0ur death was n0t in vain   
AA: they managed t0 escape the d00med timeline but in different ways   
AA: dave simply traveled backwards in time   
AA: while r0se merged with her past self   
AA: b0th 0f which will have a str0ng influence 0n what will happen in y0ur present sessi0n   
AA: which already includes y0ur current survival   
EB: hold on, if i'm reading that right, does that mean that there are actually two daves now?   
AA: yes   
AA: that iterati0n 0f dave has merged with his sprite   
AA: he will be a valuable asset t0 y0ur game   
EB: oh man, i don't know if i can handle two daves at once.   
EB: one's already enough for me!   
AA: y0u will manage   
AA: ive had t0 deal with c0untless d00med cl0nes 0f myself since i was my sessi0ns maid 0f time   
AA: dave will learn t0 deal with his 0wn as well   
EB: okay, i think this is all making sense to me now, even though it's kinda surreal to be hearing all this.   
EB: but i'm still pretty confused about just what exactly i'm supposed to be doing here.   
EB: do you mind if i run things by you to make sure i got everything down right?   
AA: n0t at all   
EB: hmmm, okay.   
EB: so what i understand is that i'm currently in some weird dimension thing called the incipisphere, and i started in the medium, which is the space between the planets and some ring of asteroids called the veil.   
EB: and that's where you guys are stuck in according to cg, but in another incipisphere.   
EB: and at this center of it all is this place called skaia, which is a place of limitless potential but also a battlefield?   
EB: there's these two forces that are fighting over it, which also have their own planets and they house our dream selves too.   
EB: whatever that might be!   
AA: t0 clarify further   
AA: the tw0 f0rces are pr0spit and derse   
AA: derse seeks t0 destr0y skaia while pr0spit wants t0 pr0tect it   
AA: they are black and white respectively   
AA: h0wever derse is always fated t0 win   
AA: it is n0t a p0intless endeav0r th0ugh   
AA: if the players 0f that sessi0n can defeat the black king 0f derse   
AA: then they can claim the ultimate reward   
EB: which is what we have to do, right?   
AA: unf0rtunately n0   
AA: s0mething went wr0ng in the sessi0n we spawned   
AA: y0urs t0 be precise   
AA: and prevented us fr0m winning   
AA: which will als0 prevent y0u fr0m d0ing s0 as well   
EB: then what's the point of even trying to win if we're all doomed?   
AA: the n0rmal vict0ry c0nditi0ns cann0t be carried 0ut   
AA: but there are alternate c0nditi0ns which can be   
AA: 0f which i cann0t state yet   
AA: as we are still w0rking t0wards that end   
EB: so y0u're saying that there's still hope?   
EB: ack, you're*.   
AA: yes   
AA: it all seems very grim   
AA: but there is still a glimmer 0f h0pe as 0dd as it is f0r me t0 say that   
EB: what makes saying that, well, odd for you?   
EB: i'd be pretty hopeful if i knew there was a way out of this mess!   
AA: again im n0t sure if y0ud believe me   
AA: but my time bef0re i entered the sessi0n and up t0 n0w has been very t0rtur0us   
AA: b0th mentally and physically    
EB: what happened? er, if you don't mind me asking.   
AA: t0 make it c0ncise   
AA: i was killed bef0re the game even started   
EB: oh.   
AA: 0ur gr0up already had pr0blems l0ng bef0re we entered 0ur sessi0n   
AA: there was a cascade 0f retributi0n that started that started with 0ne 0f my friends bec0ming paralyzed   
AA: in a fit 0f anger i sent v0ices 0f the dead t0 haunt the 0ne resp0nsible f0r it   
AA: and i w0und up dead in retributi0n   
AA: the specifics 0f which i cann0t g0 int0 as it will change y0ur percepti0n 0f th0se implicated in my demise   
AA: but that is why h0pe is n0t in my nature   
EB: i see.   
EB: that's all... really tragic, actually.   
EB: sorry for asking in the first place.   
AA: its 0k   
AA: th0se circumstances were entirely 0ut 0f y0ur c0ntr0l   
AA: but as 0f n0w i am 0k with h0w things are   
AA: m0stly   
EB: i know this sounds kinda inappropriate, but ummm...   
EB: how are you talking to me if you're supposed to be dead? i mean, i shouldn't be surprised by what you said considering everything else that's happened.   
EB: yet i am.   
AA: i am currently a sprite inhabiting the b0dy 0f a r0b0t   
AA: as ludicr0us as that s0unds   
AA: but pri0r t0 entering the sessi0n i was what 0ne w0uld call a gh0st 0r a spirit   
AA: n0ne 0f my friends knew that i was actually dead at the time   
AA: s0 when it came time t0 pr0t0type my sprite   
AA: i used myself and the f0rm 0f a fr0g in 0rder t0 0btain a c0rp0real f0rm   
AA: hence the ribbits   
AA: ribbit   
EB: huh, so that explains the ribbiting. though, couldn't you just not bother to type it out if that was the case?   
AA: its instinctive but i try my best t0 excise them    
EB: also, what's the deal with our sprites being made up of dead people? first my nanna comes back, and now it turns out you're one too.   
AA: it seems that sprites h0ld a preference t0wards th0se wh0 are d00med t0 die 0r have already been deceased   
AA: every0ne barring me used their lusus when they pr0t0typed   
AA: it felt like 0ur hands were f0rced t0 d0 s0 as they all died within a sh0rt span 0f time   
AA: likewise y0ur guardian and by extensi0n alternate dave fall under the same categ0ry   
EB: that makes sense.    
EB: but man, all this spooky talk of ghosts and death is making me want to watch ghostbusters.   
AA: im s0rry if this t0pic is scaring y0u   
EB: pfft, i ain't afraid of no ghost.   
AA: i h0pe n0t 0_0   
EB: wait...   
EB: you haven't seen ghostbusters, have you?   
AA: whats gh0stbusters   
EB: okay, that settles it!   
EB: if we ever end up meeting each other, we're going to watch both of the ghostbusters movies, no questions asked!!   
AA: ill h0ld y0u t0 it then   
EB: y0u can c0unt 0n it!   
EB: that was intentional, heheheh.   
AA: lets n0t get t00 carried away here   
AA: as cute as it is that y0u are very impressi0nable   
AA: the 0thers w0uld get t00 suspici0us if y0u ad0pted my style 0f speaking   
EB: i know, i'm just playing around! but i'll try my best to pretend that i haven't been talking to you.   
EB: dang, that sounded cold.   
AA: its a matter 0f h0usekeeping really   
AA: right n0w 0ur c0nversati0n is being blacked 0ut t0 th0se trying t0 0bserve   
AA: s0 as l0ng as 0ur interacti0ns stay c0ntained t0 0ur dial0gues we sh0uld be fine   
EB: gotcha!   
EB: oh um, i also have one more question, even though it's a little off-topic.   
AA: g0 ahead   
EB: well gc sent me a map that lead me to this gate, but she also left her face in it for some reason.   
EB: do you guys all look like that?   
AA: what d0 y0u mean   
EB: i mean, do you guys all have gray skin and horns?   
AA: yes but we are still individually distinct   
AA: n0t all 0ur h0rns and faces are the same   
AA: but we d0 have the same c0l0r 0f skin   
AA: even th0ugh the c0l0r 0f 0ur bl00d may differ   
EB: oh, you guys have different blood colors? that sounds pretty cool!   
AA: it might be t0 y0u but back 0n 0ur h0mew0rld it was used as a meth0d 0f discriminati0n   
AA: my bl00d w0uld be c0nsidered unclean and the l0west 0n the hem0spectrum   
AA: n0t that it matters n0w   
EB: man, i feel like i should just shut up at this point because it seems like every time i mention something, it turns out to be something incredibly depressing on your end!   
EB: even though i didn't mean to!   
EB: ugh.   
AA: there is n0 need t0 be upset f0r my sake j0hn   
AA: take s0lace in the fact that we will s00n be able t0 fix the pr0blems that lay ahead 0f us   
AA: and maybe then we can finally find 0ur 0wn peace   
EB: yeah, you're right. it just sounds like you got the short end of the stick compared to your friends.   
AA: maybe   
AA: but its n0t critical t0 what awaits us   
AA: we must ensure that everything g0es acc0rding t0 what fate has decreed   
AA: the past is relatively unimp0rtant in c0mparis0n t0 what the future h0lds   
AA: after all i am 0f the 0pini0n that time heals all w0unds   
AA: even th0ugh s0me heal sl0wer than 0thers   
EB: that's a good approach to life, i think! i don't know if i could ever get mad at anyone, maybe just disappointed instead.   
EB: like, even though i was technically killed recently by someone i decided to trust, i can't really be mad at them since they seemed legitimately sorry about it.   
EB: but i'm not sure if that's a good example or not!   
EB: i don't think i could ever go so far as to despise someone.   
AA: and thats why y0ure the f0undati0n f0r y0ur gr0up   
AA: even th0ugh y0u might n0t c0nsider y0urself t0 be a leader   
AA: y0u are nevertheless the piece that binds everything t0gether   
EB: aw shucks!    
EB: i dunno how else to really respond to that. besides, i think the others would be better than me at being a leader.   
AA: it will all c0me in due time   
AA: y0ur quest isnt just 0ne ab0ut the destinati0n   
AA: but als0 0ne ab0ut the j0urney   
AA: it is 0ne 0f maturity and gr0wth   
AA: we didnt understand that when we played and we paid f0r it dearly   
AA: please d0 n0t make the same mistake we did   
EB: when you put it like that, we'll try not to!   
AA: unf0rtunately 0ur time is running sh0rt   
AA: i will c0ntact y0u again when the time is right   
AA: i hate t0 cut y0u 0ff like this as i was enj0ying 0ur c0nversati0n but s0 it must be   
EB: yeah, i did too, though i still feel kinda bad about having you bring up your past.   
EB: even though i'm not supposed to!   
AA: always the gentleman   
AA: sadly i cann0t tell y0u what exactly lies ahead in y0ur future   
AA: but trust y0ur instincts and y0u will d0 just fine   
EB: thanks for the pep talk, i'll try not to doom the timeline by doing something incredibly stupid while i'm at it!   
AA: ha ha ha very funny   
AA: but until next time j0hn   
EB: bye!   


apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased trolling ectoBiologist [EB]  



	9. Davesprite: Confide with Dave.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The timeline begins to diverge.

Something has gone incredibly wrong.

You're not quite sure what exactly, but ever since you merged with your sprite, you've been filled with a sense of perpetual dread. It's not the same doomed feeling you had from the timeline where John died either; it's something else entirely. It's starting to ruffle your feathers. Literally.

Ignoring the urge to preen yourself, you begin to rack your bird-brain for insight. Chronologically sequencing each event that lead you here, you exhaust all possible avenues of information to no avail. Wherever it's coming from, it was never underneath your control. The dull humming at the back of your skull is hollow and devoid of timbre, and it's really starting to get on your nerves.

You do the only thing you can do, and that is to take your mind off of it by talking to yourself. In any other situation, this would be grounds for visiting a therapist.

Good thing there's actually another Dave in the apartment with you. He's currently busy making a copy of Rose's books from the code he pawned off of John. It's a bit scummy, but a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.

DAVESPRITE: yo  
DAVE: sup  
DAVESPRITE: man i still cant believe the idiot fell for that  
DAVE: what  
DAVE: you mean john dying to some troll babe whos got her sticky mitts all over him like a fat kid with a hershey bar  
DAVESPRITE: yeah  
DAVESPRITE: dude would probably jump off a bridge if someone told him nicely enough  
DAVE: ahahaha  
DAVE: id totally try that if it wouldnt get us all killed  
DAVE: just be like  
DAVE: oh john look at me im some exotic alien SLUNT  
DAVE: watch me suck this golfball through a garden hose  
DAVE: pfooooosh pap  
DAVE: dude makes playdoh look like industrial grade cement  
DAVESPRITE: damn thats spot on  
DAVESPRITE: but you forgot your typing quirk  
DAVE: oh shit youre right  
DAVE: gotta do something like  
DAVE: J0HN P134S3 K177 M3  
DAVESPRITE: is that supposed to be kiss or kill  
DAVE: damned if i know  
DAVE: anything can happen with those shitheads  
DAVE: one moment theyre talking about grubs and the next theyre freaking out about some household appliance  
DAVESPRITE: yeah they probably reproduce by stabbing each other violently with pitchforks  
DAVESPRITE: draining out each others blood into their fuckbuckets   
DAVESPRITE: all while singing kumbaya during a full moon jamboree   
DAVE: dont know about you  
DAVE: but that sounds fucking incredible  
DAVESPRITE: yeah  
DAVESPRITE: anyways enough talking about alien staborgies  
DAVESPRITE: theres some heavy stuff i want to level with you about  
DAVE: alright  
DAVESPRITE: k so  
DAVESPRITE: a little after ive merged with birdsprite here  
DAVESPRITE: somethings been bugging the hell out of me and i cant really pin it down  
DAVESPRITE: all i know is that somethings fucked up  
DAVE: maybe you got to shit out cyberspace eggs and you dont know it yet  
DAVE: make that spacenest out of random garbage like before  
DAVESPRITE: nah believe me id know if i gotta crap out a few easter eggs  
DAVESPRITE: theres just been this pinging at the back of my head like somethings gone wrong  
DAVESPRITE: but its not the same feeling i had before when i was in the doomed timeline  
DAVESPRITE: its something else  
DAVE: do you think it might just be a side effect of the prototyping  
DAVESPRITE: it was fine for like the first five or ten minutes  
DAVESPRITE: and then bam i got tinnitus  
DAVE: huh  
DAVE: sounds like its gotta be someone else then doesnt it  
DAVESPRITE: thats what ive been thinking  
DAVESPRITE: but i dunno really  
DAVESPRITE: someone might be fucking with the timeline subtly  
DAVESPRITE: but its not making it terminate for some reason  
DAVESPRITE: i just know that it has to do with the timeline because its a similar feeling i had when i was doomed  
DAVESPRITE: though its not the same  
DAVE: we cant be the ones doing it though right  
DAVESPRITE: yeah  
DAVE: hate to be captain obvious here but  
DAVE: maybe we should go find whoevers doing it and put a stop to it  
DAVESPRITE: no shit  
DAVESPRITE: but who is the real question  
DAVE: hold on watson let me bust out the deerstalker and pipe here  
DAVE: gonna meet up with a bunch of mystery-solving teenagers and their sentient dog too while were at it  
DAVE: alright lets go  
DAVESPRITE: i have an idea in mind to find out whos behind this jinxy caper  
DAVE: yeah so  
DAVE: do we even know for sure that this is someone else and not just the sprite part of you talking  
DAVESPRITE: yeah were operating on a hunch here but this hunch makes quasimodo look like a normal human being  
DAVESPRITE: trust me on this shit alright  
DAVE: alright im listening  
DAVE: whats the plan  
DAVESPRITE: so what i was thinking is that we need to keep tabs on rose and john  
DAVESPRITE: since theyve also been in contact with the trolls  
DAVESPRITE: john especially  
DAVESPRITE: and i just know those guys are behind this somehow  
DAVESPRITE: no need to worry about jade as shes not in the medium yet  
DAVE: okay so what do you want me to do  
DAVE: spy on him 24/7 like im watching for a murder in a hitchcock flick  
DAVESPRITE: nah just keep tabs on him after you talk to him to see if hes talking to anyone else  
DAVESPRITE: just watch him for a few minutes or so  
DAVESPRITE: but the reason why im pointing at him specifically is because  
DAVESPRITE: hes a klutz and the most likely one to screw up  
DAVESPRITE: but hes our klutz and we gotta look after him  
DAVESPRITE: gotta be the father figure in his life since his disappeared  
DAVE: damn i love the guy and all but youre spitting the hard truth  
DAVE: i guess we should be thankful jade isnt in yet or else we might have child support services reaming our ass  
DAVESPRITE: right like  
DAVESPRITE: its probably not johns fault  
DAVESPRITE: but if something goes wrong  
DAVESPRITE: hell be at the center of it all regardless  
DAVE: dude probably broke a million mirrors in his past life  
DAVESPRITE: word  
DAVESPRITE: but yeah i want you to check up on him the next time you guys talk  
DAVESPRITE: dont mention anything about it to him  
DAVE: if youre so concerned about this  
DAVE: why dont you do it yourself  
DAVESPRITE: dude doesnt even think im the real dave  
DAVESPRITE: like he apologized but i know hed still prefer to talk to you  
DAVESPRITE: that and i dont think im supposed to contact him on my own for a while  
DAVESPRITE: time senses tingling and shit  
DAVE: k so lets chalk the excuse up to weird time shenanigans  
DAVE: im sold  
DAVESPRITE: cool  
DAVESPRITE: im gonna snoop around for more clues in the meantime  
DAVESPRITE: maybe eat some davesprite snacks  
DAVESPRITE: ill be back in a bit  
DAVE: later  



	10. Davesprite: Find Nannasprite.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Davesprite looks for a possible lead.

Having left Dave behind to peruse through Rose's borderline unreadable wizard fanfiction, you carefully weigh your next course of action. The easiest would be just to visit John and try to get an answer out of him, but the very thought of it sends a wave of terror through your gut. In other words, doing so would probably doom the timeline. And probably would be a gross understatement.

The other would be to find out what John's been up to by proxy; that is, to contact his sprite. Normally, sprites do not communicate with one another, be it because of their nature or by circumstance. However, they can still work together if there is a threat that collectively endangers their wards. Plus, seeing as his sprite could also be having the same feeling you're having, it would sense to try to meet up with her anyways.

Seeing as this recent feeling of consternation is enough to be considered an emergency, you waste little time in trying to locate the ever so elusive Nannasprite. Upon passing through John's first gate, you can't help but notice that there's an unusually eerie silence hanging over his home. There's not even a single imp to be found here.

Just how do you expect to find this flighty broad, anyways? You briefly consider serenading her with the illest beats you can muster, but she might not get it due to her age. Or worse, lament how bad the state of music has gotten for hours on end and post about it online. Whatever, you're getting distracted here—

_HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK_

DAVESPRITE: FUCK  
NANNASPRITE: HOO HOO HOO!  
DAVESPRITE: jesus christ  
DAVESPRITE: are you trying to give me a heart attack   
DAVESPRITE: fuck  
NANNASPRITE: Watch your language, mister, or I will see to it that I scrub that dirty mouth of yours with soap!  
DAVESPRITE: ugh this is already going to be an insufferable conversation isnt it  
NANNASPRITE: Hoo hoo hoo!  
DAVESPRITE: look i just wanted to talk to you about something important  
DAVESPRITE: and by important  
DAVESPRITE: i mean its a life or death kinda deal  
DAVESPRITE: so i want you to hear me out  
NANNASPRITE: Now, now, let's not forget our manners! You didn't even say please, hoo hoo!  
DAVESPRITE: the things i do for you john  
DAVESPRITE: also who are you to talk to me about manners when you just ruptured my eardrums with an airhorn  
NANNASPRITE: Hoo hoo hoo!  
DAVESPRITE: anyways can you please hear me out  
DAVESPRITE: this is actually pretty serious and i dont want to waste a lot of time going about in circles with you  
DAVESPRITE: so im gonna make this short  
NANNASPRITE: Oh, before we begin, would you like some fresh cookies? I just baked some and there's too many for me to eat!  
DAVESPRITE: theres gonna be a joke found somewhere in this isnt there  
NANNASPRITE: Yes, there's no milk!  
NANNASPRITE: Hoo hoo hoo hoo!  
DAVESPRITE: wow  
DAVESPRITE: im pretty sure thats a war crime in most countries  
DAVESPRITE: anyways i wanted to talk to you about john  
NANNASPRITE: Oh? Has the little rascal gotten in trouble again?  
DAVESPRITE: well  
DAVESPRITE: thats the thing  
DAVESPRITE: im not sure but somethings fu i mean messed up somewhere  
DAVESPRITE: and im sure john is involved in it somehow  
NANNASPRITE: Deary me, are you sure that my little boy is involved in this? Whatever that may be, hoo hoo!  
DAVESPRITE: well  
DAVESPRITE: have you gotten this tingling at the back of your head  
DAVESPRITE: like somethings not right  
DAVESPRITE: i came to you specifically because of that  
NANNASPRITE: Now that you mention it, I've been feeling it as well! It was terribly dreadful at first.  
NANNASPRITE: But I've been ignoring it by doing plenty of baking and cleaning up the house! Hoo hoo, I even completely forgot about it!  
DAVESPRITE: dont you think you should be you know  
DAVESPRITE: thinking about why thats happening  
DAVESPRITE: i mean you have been keeping an eye on john right  
NANNASPRITE: Of course! He's my favorite littlest boy after all!  
DAVESPRITE: have you been paying attention to who hes been talking to  
NANNASPRITE: Not especially! Outside of his usual friends and his consorts, he's only talked to three people regularly!  
DAVESPRITE: wait  
DAVESPRITE: three?  
NANNASPRITE: Yes! He's been in regular correspondence to these two individuals who tend to shout a lot! I can't really say that I've been paying attention to what they say, since that would be impolite! Hoo hoo!  
DAVESPRITE: okay yeah i know enough about those two already  
DAVESPRITE: wait arent you being a bit hypocritical with that last statement considering that you know about them in the first place  
DAVESPRITE: nevermind thats not important  
DAVESPRITE: whos the third  
NANNASPRITE: I'm afraid I don't really know! He's stopped a few times to talk to somebody, but I could not directly observe who he is talking to!  
NANNASPRITE: All I know is that their conversations tend to be rather long!  
DAVESPRITE: so why cant you see who hes talking to  
NANNASPRITE: His myriad assortment of computing devices became jarbled each time I tried to peep on him!  
NANNASPRITE: He must be talking to a girl to be so secretive about it. Oh, the joys of young romance!  
NANNASPRITE: Reminds me of when I was his age, hoo hoo hoo!  
DAVESPRITE: okay so youre probably wrong about johns romantic inclinations  
DAVESPRITE: to make an apt comparison you may understand  
DAVESPRITE: dude makes the three stooges look like clark gable  
DAVESPRITE: but dont let that stop your dreams  
NANNASPRITE: Hoo hoo hoo, you're a proper heartbreaker, aren't you? I feel bad for the girl that's going to end up with you, hoo hoo!  
DAVESPRITE: man this is way worse than id thought it be  
DAVESPRITE: both talking to johns coddling dead grandma and finding out that my hunch was right  
DAVESPRITE: anyways im out  
DAVESPRITE: i need to relay this info asap  
NANNASPRITE: Oh, you can't leave yet! You still have yet to eat some of the baking I prepared for you!   
NANNASPRITE: Didn't your parents ever teach you any manners?  
DAVESPRITE: hate to pop your bubble  
DAVESPRITE: but i never had any parents  
NANNASPRITE: Oh... hoo.  
DAVESPRITE: anyways later  



	11. Davesprite: Give Dave the 411.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Daves narrow their lead.

Quickly absconding with information in tow, you arrive back in the not-so-tropical-paradise of LOHAC. You feel a little bad for leaving Nannasprite on that note, but if you didn't get out of there, you would've been stuck there for way longer than you'd like. Making a mental note to apologize to her later, you flutter down to the top of Dave's apartment block.

It seems that he's been busy at work taking care of imps and other foul creatures on a nearby GEAR ISLAND. Not only that, but it looks like he's busy chatting with one of the trolls through his slick ISHADES. While you're not close enough to see who it is specifically, you just know it has to be the blind troll. It's like you got a sixth sense or something.

You decide to wait for him to finish up, watching him go to town on the horde of imps around him. Theoretically, you could go down there and lend him some help, but he seems to have a handle on things. Plus, it wouldn't be cool to interrupt a bro's conversation. Wait, is he using the SNOOP DOGG SNOW CONE MACHETE? Fucking incredible.

After a few more minutes of ludicrous monster-mashing madness, Dave dispatches the last intruder and gets to work reaping the spoils. It looks like now would be a good time to chat with him, seeing that he's not blabbering to himself at the moment. Even though he technically will be again once you start talking to him.

DAVESPRITE: sup  
DAVE: sup  
DAVESPRITE: oh yeah i forgot to tell you how kickass that sword is by the way  
DAVESPRITE: snoop would be proud  
DAVE: yeah  
DAVE: also  
DAVE: you couldve told me that i was going to have to toss my own corpse out the window before you left  
DAVE: shit is traumatic like you dont even know  
DAVE: left me legitimately distressed  
DAVESPRITE: youre coping now right  
DAVE: kinda  
DAVE: like i dont even know how to feel about it  
DAVE: im still alive but at the same time i wish i didnt have to do it  
DAVE: just feeling numb about it right now  
DAVESPRITE: yeah back before i merged with the sprite i had to do it multiple times  
DAVESPRITE: dead daves are not always a bad thing  
DAVESPRITE: but it pretty much means youll live if you dont do anything stupid  
DAVESPRITE: its something youre gonna have to get used to  
DAVESPRITE: as shitty as that is to say  
DAVESPRITE: at least its not someone else dying right  
DAVE: yeah  
DAVE: guess so  
DAVE: i already managed to decompress by taking it out on these chumps  
DAVE: plus ive been chatting with gc for a bit  
DAVE: shes actually kinda cool  
DAVESPRITE: the blind troll chick right  
DAVE: yeah  
DAVESPRITE: man i still got beef with her but whatever  
DAVESPRITE: if youre cool with her then its not my problem  
DAVE: you should check out some of her really shitty drawings  
DAVE: like theyre so bad   
DAVE: theyre amazing  
DAVE: imagine if pollock and warhol had a gay baby together that was also an alien  
DAVE: it would be her  
DAVE: come check this shit out  
DAVESPRITE: is that supposed to be you and your bro  
DAVESPRITE: why did she use a back to the future pinball poster  
DAVESPRITE: okay yeah i got to admit  
DAVESPRITE: thats awesome  
DAVE: told you  
DAVE: also speaking of my bro  
DAVE: have you seen him anywhere  
DAVE: gc mentioned that i wouldnt see him until the rift or whatever  
DAVESPRITE: nah havent seen him  
DAVESPRITE: i met up johns dead grandma though  
DAVE: damn  
DAVE: so howd that go  
DAVESPRITE: fucking terrible  
DAVESPRITE: my ears are still fucking smarting from that stupid airhorn she shoved down my skull  
DAVESPRITE: and then she lectured me on manners and shit while laughing like a fucking loon the entire time  
DAVESPRITE: the whole thing felt like i was at the mad hatter's tea party and i was the guest of honor  
DAVE: wow that sounds incredibly shitty  
DAVESPRITE: yeah  
DAVESPRITE: but anyways i found out some important shit regarding that feeling in the back of my head  
DAVE: what did you find?  
DAVESPRITE: turns out that johns sprite has also been having it  
DAVESPRITE: but shes incredibly passive and didnt really think too much about it  
DAVESPRITE: it also turns out that john has been talking to someone whos been blacking out their conversations  
DAVESPRITE: so my hunch about john and the timeline being subtly molested was right  
DAVE: do you know who it might be  
DAVESPRITE: no but we can narrow down the list since his sprite mentioned gc and cg in our conversation  
DAVESPRITE: so its probably not them  
DAVESPRITE: likewise me you jade and rose arent a part of it either  
DAVE: did you also talk to roses sprite too while you were at it  
DAVESPRITE: fuck no  
DAVESPRITE: i could fish answers out of my ass that are more reliable than someones dead cat  
DAVE: haha gotcha  
DAVE: do you think i could just go ask john whats up  
DAVE: i bet i could crack him open easier than a can of coke  
DAVESPRITE: dont bother  
DAVESPRITE: if someone is going this far to purposely black out their existence  
DAVESPRITE: then they have a lot of faith in john to not spill the beans  
DAVESPRITE: so hes probably going to be zippered on the issue  
DAVE: so  
DAVE: do you still want me to spy on him or whatever  
DAVE: we havent talked since you left  
DAVESPRITE: nah dont bother  
DAVESPRITE: im trying to think of who would contact him right now  
DAVESPRITE: its has to be one of the other 10 trolls and im trying to remember which ones were which  
DAVE: yeah i think i can remember a few  
DAVE: i dont think the crazy furry shipper girl would behind something like this  
DAVESPRITE: yeah didnt we actually roleplay with her once as akwete purrmusk a year ago   
DAVE: yeah it got a little too sexual for me even though i was trying to be ironic the entire time  
DAVE: shameboner big time  
DAVESPRITE: we you mean  
DAVE: oops forgot that we were the same person until today  
DAVESPRITE: np  
DAVE: but yeah like i was saying it couldnt be her  
DAVE: she seemed pretty oblivious to anything serious and was pretty nice  
DAVE: i mean she even made that fursona for me to use so i did  
DAVE: jade didnt think it was that funny though  
DAVESPRITE: alright lets not get carried away here  
DAVESPRITE: yeah im remembering another troll now  
DAVESPRITE: the kinda creepy dude that talked about finding ones strength or whatever  
DAVE: oh shit i remember that guy  
DAVE: he was like you need to be STRONG in the future and unlock your POTENTIAL  
DAVE: it was done in this weird ass didactic poetry rap too  
DAVE: dude would not shut up about horses either  
DAVE: yeah its not him  
DAVESPRITE: oh man i think we still might have that log lemme check  
DAVESPRITE: yep its just how i remember it  
DAVESPRITE: who the fuck says ride with the steed beneath your feet and strive to make your equines meet seriously  
DAVE: preaching to the choir here  
DAVE: so thats like what  
DAVE: four trolls out of the 12 we know of accounted for  
DAVESPRITE: yeah  
DAVESPRITE: wasnt there another one who was really pathetic and kinda sad  
DAVESPRITE: stuttered a lot too  
DAVE: oh that guy  
DAVE: he tried to put some awful rhymes on me today like hes spitting super hot fire  
DAVE: dont think hes behind it either  
DAVE: a drunk porky pig could string together a more coherent sentence than that guy  
DAVESPRITE: thats five now  
DAVESPRITE: yeah theres 12 people on the trollslum  
DAVESPRITE: i don't even remember putting half of them down here  
DAVE: we  
DAVESPRITE: damn you got me this time  
DAVE: yeah lets see here  
DAVE: cuttlefishculler caligulasaquarium terminallycapricious  
DAVE: wait the third guy  
DAVE: hes the juggalo wasnt he  
DAVESPRITE: oh shit that dude hahahaha  
DAVESPRITE: hes the best one  
DAVE: man i wish hed contact us again  
DAVE: didnt we give him like a crisis of faith or whatever since we showed him icp  
DAVESPRITE: yeah he started saying it was blasphemous and went on that tirade  
DAVESPRITE: saying hed kill us like we just ran over his dog and called the cops on him  
DAVE: what a clown pffhahaha  
DAVESPRITE: i hope hes sitting somewhere  
DAVESPRITE: dressed up as bozo the clown  
DAVESPRITE: shitty wig and everything  
DAVESPRITE: weeping runny clown tears with a bottle of jack in one hand and a mime application form in the other  
DAVESPRITE: unable to cope with the shame and cursing the name of strider under his breath  
DAVE: lets just hope he doesnt go all john wayne gacy on us and start killing us off stephen king style  
DAVE: because fuck clowns  
DAVESPRITE: nah   
DAVESPRITE: juggalos are harmless  
DAVESPRITE: theyre too busy rotting out their insides with faygo and meth most of the time  
DAVE: yeah youre right  
DAVE: hes probably not behind the conversation blackout  
DAVE: that and john hates clowns so i can imagine him tolerating that shit for long  
DAVESPRITE: true  
DAVE: anyways lets see  
DAVE: arachnidsgrip grimauxiliatrix twinarmageddons apocalypsearisen  
DAVE: those are four more i dont remember talking to  
DAVESPRITE: wait didnt we just talk to ga  
DAVE: oh yeah  
DAVE: shes the one that wanted to get into roses pants earlier today  
DAVE: at least im pretty sure she was a she  
DAVE: got serious sapphic vibes like whoa  
DAVE: going in DEEP for the kind of snarky bullshit that only rose can provide  
DAVE: sticking her head underneath the slurpee dispenser like a diabetic getting their sugar fix  
DAVESPRITE: shit man  
DAVESPRITE: we got some crazy interspecies romance going on here  
DAVESPRITE: you and gc ga and rose  
DAVESPRITE: we got to get john and jade in on this xenophilia party  
DAVESPRITE: well john might be already in it for all we know but whatever  
DAVE: hey hold on there  
DAVE: i dont have any strong feelings for gc  
DAVE: shes cool  
DAVE: maybe a bit creepy with how she wants to pop my proverbial cherry flavored text  
DAVE: but nothing more than that  
DAVESPRITE: haha whatever you say  
DAVESPRITE: anyways  
DAVESPRITE: i dont remember any of the other names  
DAVESPRITE: but those last two handles are pretty fucking spooky  
DAVESPRITE: if i had to take a crapshoot  
DAVESPRITE: id put my money on them being behind this all  
DAVE: kinda hard for me to picture john talking to people with those kind of handles  
DAVE: dudes too upbeat to be hanging out in cemeteries and waiting for doomsday with a bunch of mall goths  
DAVE: hed probably enjoy tim burton movies though  
DAVESPRITE: so who do you think is behind it?  
DAVE: my bets on the spiderdude  
DAVE: how can you have a name like that and not be some kitschy saturday morning cartoon villain  
DAVE: manipulating people from the shadows like dr claw  
DAVE: john would totally fall for it  
DAVESPRITE: yeah i see where youre angling from  
DAVESPRITE: but the other two we havent mentioned are fishy too  
DAVE: oh come on  
DAVE: you only said that so you could make those puns  
DAVESPRITE: haha you got me  
DAVE: yeah i dunno about them  
DAVE: those handles dont really implicate anything  
DAVE: lets just go with the obvious ones here  
DAVESPRITE: so aa ta and ag then  
DAVE: yeah so now that we got our usual suspects now  
DAVE: how do we catch our keyser soze  
DAVESPRITE: im thinking  
DAVESPRITE: we cant really contact the trolls since theyre too busy doing their time bullshit  
DAVE: hm  
DAVE: i think i got an idea  
DAVE: what if we didnt do anything about it and just let it take care of itself  
DAVE: because this shit is going to reach its boiling point on its own  
DAVESPRITE: so youre telling me i should not do anything about this splitting headache and borderline chronic depression until the rift or whatever  
DAVESPRITE: because thats what it sounds like  
DAVE: man for spending more time in the session than i did youre not really thinking it through  
DAVE: but heres my reasoning  
DAVE: timelines tend to repair themselves on their own to maintain causality or whatever right  
DAVE: we know for a fact that were all going to reach the rift and survive  
DAVE: its a guaranteed constant despite all the speedbumps along the way  
DAVE: so if we just keep doing our thing  
DAVE: eventually somethings going to come along where we can finally deal with it  
DAVE: like what if the timeline necessitated this conversation so we know who to look out for when the time comes  
DAVE: tldr  
DAVE: self fulfilling prophetic time bullshit  
DAVESPRITE: i just got schooled by myself damn  
DAVESPRITE: youre completely right by the way  
DAVESPRITE: i wasnt really thinking all that much into it because manipulating time travel starts becoming like second nature to you  
DAVESPRITE: so when you actually do have to start thinking about it  
DAVESPRITE: it doesnt really click  
DAVE: i hear you  
DAVE: also   
DAVE: it looks like theres more baddies are heading our way  
DAVE: we should probably go deal with them before they start wrecking our place  
DAVESPRITE: yeah  
DAVESPRITE: lets deal with this doom and gloom shit later  
DAVE: agreed  
DAVE: by the way  
DAVE: if im right about my bet  
DAVE: you owe me  
DAVESPRITE: with what  
DAVE: i dont know ill think of something  
DAVESPRITE: smooth operating tex  
DAVE: shut up  



	12. Intermission 2.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A shadow of things to come.

On a certain green moon, within a certain lavishly furnished lounge, rests a certain figure who has been watching events fold from afar. The moon orbits the dead husk of a once living planet, simply called by the prior occupants as Alternia. From here, this enigma has observed and orchestrated a series of impossibly long events so that one day, his master may arrive.

However, there appears to be something bothering him. He is pacing restlessly back and forth across the room, the dull, almost sickly verdant color of the room gleaming off of his perfectly spherical head. An omnipotent being such as he cannot have his careful planning go astray; his fate is tied very much into this universe and the next, and upsetting it would have grave consequences.

But even an omnipotent being such as he cannot truly be perfect. There are dark spots that obscure his insight, little missteps that can make an otherwise flawless routine turn disastrous. Many incidents have forced him to intervene in the past, but they were necessary adjustments. Only a few have caught him by surprise. Only one has ever made him truly enraged.

None of them has ever concerned him like this, however. Even through his vast and limitless intellect, he cannot tell how it's happening. The momentary dark spots would usually clear up so that an understanding may be reached, but even now, they persist. He certainly knows who is behind it and why they are doing it, but the how still eludes him. Regardless, an intervention must be made or else all will be for naught. And he knows precisely who to talk to.

Pardon me.  
I regret to inform you that I have had a miscalculation in our last conversation.  
AG: Fuuuuuuuuck!!!!!!!!  
AG: I thought we were done talk8ng!!!!!!!!  
It appears that is no longer the case.  
Granted, this will be the true last conversation we will have, but nevertheless it will be an important one.  
AG: Just so we're clear, I am NOT going to 8e exploited 8y you ag8in!!!!!!!! I'm through with your 8ullsh8t and your st8pid white text!  
Is it really exploitation when you have simply seen to it that our positions were of direct benefit to one another?  
I have buried the hatchet between us the last time we spoke. I suggest you do the same as well.  
AG: Ugh, wh8tever. What the fuck do you w8nt from me?  
I suggest you calm down first before we proceed. Believe me, the sooner you relax, the sooner this conversation can begin in earnest.  
AG: Fine.  
AG: I'm completely calm now. Happy?  
Much better.  
Now, something has gone amiss in what lies ahead in the future. It has dire results that were not foreseeable even through my propensity of prophetic visions.  
Therefore, I will need you to assist me once more.  
AG: And why the hell would I even want to do that? I'd rather hang myself than play into your gru88y schemes again.  
Let me put it to you succinctly, then.  
If you do not follow my advice, you will be staked through the chest and wind up dead in a pool of your own blood. By whom, I cannot tell you.  
But if you do as I say, your survival will be ensured when the Scratch is completed.  
After which, anything can happen.  
AG: W8. Dead?  
Precisely.   
And if you may remember, I never lie.   
AG: And just how do you expect me to 8elieve you when you say that I'm going to die? That's a8surd, even coming from a creep like you.  
Do you wish to take that chance and gamble your life away? Even with your conditional immortality, I would not bet on it.   
You still have yet to learn that luck is not as prevalent as you think it is.  
AG: Grrrrrrrr.  
AG: Okay, so let's just say for hypothetical purposes, I decide to take your 88. What would I have to do to get you off of me?  
Simple.  
There is a certain Miss Megido I wish for you to take care of.  
AG: Hahahahahahahaha!  
AG: Are you seriously asking me to kill Aradia AGAIN? Cut me a 8r8k.  
AG: We might still have 8eef, 8ut I'm through with killing people. I'm trying to 8e the 8etter person and leave all that stuff 8ehind!  
AG: 8esides, you were the one who fucked up everything for us!!!!!!!! So I suggest you just fuck 8ff already!  
Temper, temper.  
AG: ::::I  
You did not let me finish, Miss Serket.  
I am not asking for you to do anything more than stage an intervention on her current activities.  
Activities which are affecting our timeline to such an extent, that the original goal and purpose of our dealings have been derailed.  
Yours, especially.  
AG: What a8out me? I have no idea what you are t8lking a8out.  
For someone who prides herself on elaborate schemes and conjuring up smoke and mirrors, you are quite easy to see through when pressed.  
It is rather endearing.  
AG: You're insuffera8le. I hope you know that.  
If you insist.  
But to answer your question.  
Let's just say that your plan of creating the perfect hero and ideal villain will not come to fruition if you opt not to do anything about her.  
AG: I was going to ask how you knew a8out that, 8ut then I remem8ered that I'm talking to Mister Magic 8ullshit here.  
You flatter me.  
AG: Shut up.  
AG: Anyways, what would she even have to gain from messing around with my plans? As far as I know, she pro8a8ly hasn't done anything since she stuck us on this meteor!  
And that is what she wants you to believe.  
What if I told you that she is currently courting the very person who you have deemed to be your future protégé?  
A certain human by the name of John Egbert, to be precise.  
AG: Th8t........  
AG: 8ITCH!!!!!!!!  
Language.  
But yes, she has been in continuous contact with him in an effort to gain his trust and to alienate him away from you.  
Be it romantic inclinations or petty jealousy on her part, that is none of my concern.  
All I know is that her actions have been drastic enough to change the course of events that have been set in motion.  
In a way, you should actually be thankful that she has done so.  
AG: And why should I 8e???????? I'm f8cking fuming here!  
AG: Uuuuuuuugggggggghhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!  
Because the original plan involved you dying.   
Permanently, I may add.  
You have been given a second chance by fate because of her meddling. I suggest you do not squander it.  
AG: ........  
AG: What should I do, then?  
I cannot tell you specifically, as that is for you to find out on your own.  
But as of now, she is currently stationed within her quarters. Deal with her as you must.  
AG: 8ut how?  
As I said before, that is for you to discover.  
But if I had to give you some personal advice, it would be to trust your instincts.  
I know you will do the right thing.  
You always do.  
AG: Yeah, yeah, yeah, just 8uzz off already creep. I'm going to take care of some 8usiness.  
Farewell. You will not be hearing from me again.  
Oh, and one more thing.  
Watch your step.  
AG: What's that supposed to mean?  
AG: Hello?  
AG: Gr8, juuuuuuuust gr8.  



	13. Vriska: Regain composure.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A moirail a day keeps the voices away.

Suffice to say, you are currently pissed. In fact, pissed would be an understatement. Pulling out your mental thesaurus, your current state of emotions can be summarized as such: agitated, distraught, exasperated, furious, livid, and enraged. Or any combination of the above.

In other words, you're mad as hell. Stomping out of your self-designated secret lair within the lab, you make your way to the main computer lab in a huff. You briefly ponder the idea of breaking into Aradia's private chambers and giving her a piece of your mind right now, but you might do something incredibly rash and make things even worse.

You arrive back in the computer lab, finding that most of the other trolls, outside of Aradia and Terezi, are currently present. Tavros is the first to notice you arrive through the transportalizer, nervously avoiding your gaze of disdain by looking down at his lap. You notice that the general murmuring of the room has died down upon your entry, with most of the trolls present shooting concerned looks at one another. Somehow, you've manage to have even more of a massive bitch face than usual, which is really saying something.

While you do have a plan in mind to deal with Aradia, you need to vent a little first before you go take care of her. All you need is the right person to talk to. Someone who can endure your meddling and the sheer number of irons you have in the fire. Someone's who always listens and never has any fuss about it...

Kanaya, of course! Upon approaching her, however, you notice that the usually calm and halcyon jadeblood appears to be upset by something. It takes some of the bluster out of your sails seeing her like this. Perhaps a mututally beneficial discussion is in order.

VRISKA: Um, hey.  
KANAYA: What Is It  
VRISKA: Nothing, nothing! Just checking up to see how you're doing and stuff.  
KANAYA: I Am Currently Fine Thank You For Asking  
KANAYA: There Is Nothing For You To Concern Yourself About  
VRISKA: Yeah, I'm going to have to call 8ullshit on that one. Look at you, you're clearly stressing out a8out something!  
VRISKA: And to think that I came to you to get some help screwing my head 8ack on!  
KANAYA: I Guess I Could Do Better In Suppressing My Own Woes Around Your Prying Eyes  
KANAYA: But Yes I Am Currently Under Duress  
VRISKA: You and me 8oth! We should totally start a support group for 8lithering trolls like us!  
VRISKA: Like a therapy 8ooth or something. Five 8oon8ucks a pop and we'll listen to your so8 story!  
KANAYA: The Thought Of You Running An Alleviation Clinic Is A Strange Albeit Humorous One  
KANAYA: I Dont Think I Can Vouch For Its Success  
VRISKA: I wasn't 8eing too serious a8out it. 8ut you never know, may8e I was some sort of therapist in a past life!  
KANAYA: More Ludicrous Phenomenon Have Occurred But That Would Certainly Qualify As One  
VRISKA: 8ut seriously, let's get 8ack on topic!  
VRISKA: What's the 8ig issue here, anyways? You were staring at the screen for a while there!  
KANAYA: Lets Just Say That One Individual Was Not Who I Believed Her To Be  
VRISKA: Oh, was it the one human kid or whatever? The o8noxiously snarky one who wrote that 8orefest of a guide?  
KANAYA: That Was Quite The Astute Guess  
KANAYA: But Yes You Are Correct  
VRISKA: 8ooooooooyah! Still got it!  
KANAYA: Anyways  
KANAYA: I Discovered That She Was Actually Quite Feebleminded And Indisposed To Proper Conversation  
KANAYA: It Was Not Enlightening To Say The Least  
VRISKA: Don't you think you might 8e projecting a little too much here? I can't 8elieve that I have to 8e the one to say that, 8ut them's the 8r8ks!  
VRISKA: I mean, you idolized her like crazy 8ack when we were playing in our session of the game! Didn't you even make up your own stories a8out her?  
KANAYA: Please Lower Your Voice  
VRISKA: What I'm trying to say is, you set your expectations waaaaaaaay too high and you got shot down 8ecause of it!  
VRISKA: Or may8e, juuuuuuuust may8e, you might 8e getting played for a fool!  
KANAYA: What Do You Mean  
KANAYA: It Seemed Readily Obvious That She Was Not Possessing Higher Cognitive Functions  
VRISKA: I'm just pointing out the possi8ilities here! Seriously, what if I'm right and you're getting suckered in like a gru8 to honey?  
VRISKA: You'd look like a complete chump!  
KANAYA: Hm  
KANAYA: You Have A Point  
KANAYA: Maybe I Gave Up Too Easily Because Of My Own Disillusionment In Regards To Her Status  
KANAYA: Perhaps I Should Attempt To Parley With Her One More Time  
VRISKA: Attagirl!  
KANAYA: Say  
KANAYA: Wasnt There Something You Wished To Discuss Before We Became Sidetracked With This Line Of Conversation  
KANAYA: I Cant Really Imagine You Approaching Me For Any Other Reason  
VRISKA: Yeah, 8ut talking to you has managed to take some of the edge off! I'm still kind of frustr8ed a8out it though.  
KANAYA: What Is It Thats Nonplussing You Right Now  
KANAYA: Is It Concerning Tavros Again  
VRISKA: Pfffffffft, don't make me laugh!!!!!!!!  
VRISKA: I haven't given a single shit a8out him since he left me to 8leed out to death. He's too much of a coward to ever amount to anything!   
VRISKA: 8esides, I found someone that could make for a 8etter m8 than he ever could! A human that has unlimited potential!  
KANAYA: Wait  
KANAYA: Do You Mean Matesprit  
VRISKA: Whoops, I meant like on a pirate ship! Well, may8e, eventually, I guess????????  
VRISKA: 8ut that's not the point!!!!!!!! XXXX\  
VRISKA: I just want him to reach the same echelon that I did! Someone who I can help 8uild and mold into the perfect equal!  
KANAYA: I See  
KANAYA: However I Do Have An Inquiry Regarding Your Future Actions That May Or May Not Manifest In The Near Future  
VRISKA: I'm listening.  
KANAYA: Culturally The Humans Are Rather Dissimilar To Us And May Find Some Of Your Past History As For Lack Of A Better Phrase  
KANAYA: Abhorrent  
VRISKA: Like what?  
KANAYA: From What I Have Seen They Are Not Keen On The Thought Of Murder And Seem To Lack Conventional Lusii  
KANAYA: They Are Quite Peaceful By All Accounts And Therefore Would Have Odds Against Your Sordid Past  
VRISKA: Hey, it was a life or death situation for me to feed spider8itch! I pro8a8ly would have died if I didn't keep her full all the time!  
VRISKA: 8ut for me, it was normal! And I'm sure he would understand if I told him why all that stuff had to happen.  
KANAYA: And What Of Tavros And Aradia  
VRISKA: Ugh, Aradia. I have to go deal with her in a 8it 8ecause she seems keen on still messing around with my plans.  
VRISKA: However, I still regret getting her... you know, killed. It was 8rash of me and it should have never happened.  
VRISKA: 8ut Tavros was just weak. Weaky weaky weak weak pupa who never learned to really flyyyyyyyy. He deserves his lot in life!  
KANAYA: Hm That Reminds Me That I Need To Meet Up With Equius Soon  
KANAYA: But See  
KANAYA: I Feel As Your Attitude Towards The Wellbeing Of Others Is Callous As It Is Impersonal And Toxic  
KANAYA: Most Of The Others Here Do Not Trust You Because Of That So Why Do You Think The Humans Would  
VRISKA: Ouch, watch the stinger there hotshot!  
VRISKA: Don't get me wrong, I do plan on telling my future pupa-pupil a8out my past! I'm not really looking for vindication, 8ecause I know that I fucked up pretty 8ad as it is.  
VRISKA: I just hope that he understands why it had to 8e that way. Or he could 8e a complete goo8er.  
VRISKA: Either way, I have high hopes that he'll listen to what I have to say! He'd 8e dum8 not to.  
KANAYA: Understandable  
KANAYA: I Would However Advise You Not To Be Shocked If Your Expectations Are Not Met Sufficiently If Your Plan Does Fall Through  
KANAYA: To Reuse An Earlier Line Of Our Discourse  
KANAYA: Its Almost Poetic Really  
VRISKA: Trust me, I planned for every possi8le outcome! Almost all of them, anyways.  
VRISKA: There's still one loose end I need to tie up.  
KANAYA: I Assume That It Involves Aradia Does It Not  
VRISKA: Yeeeeeeeep.  
KANAYA: I Would Like To Remind You To Avoid Physical Escalation Seeing As You Tend To Have Poor Impulse Control  
KANAYA: And I Do Not Mean That As An Insult Either But As An Observation  
KANAYA: I Just Wish To See To It That We All Stay Alive Long Enough So That We May Escape Into The Next Universe And Ensure Our Species Survival  
KANAYA: Even If One Of The Contributing Members Is Not Reproductively Viable Due To Her Current State  
KANAYA: Along With Those Who Wish To Avoid Their Duties Altogether By Either Not Choosing To Do So Or By Partnering Off With The Humans  
VRISKA: I'm going to cut you off here 8y saying that I'm not here to suffer through another one of your lectures a8out pails, okay?  
VRISKA: 8esides, that last statement is a complete farce and you know it.  
VRISKA: You were just crushing on the human girl like five minutes ago! Isn't that you know, a8dicating your own personal duties?  
KANAYA: Well  
KANAYA: Nevermind  
KANAYA: Forget I Even Said Anything  
KANAYA: But Going Back To The Original Point I Was Making  
KANAYA: It Would Be In Everyones Best Interests That You Avoid Injuring Or Killing Aradia  
KANAYA: Or Anyone Else For That Matter  
VRISKA: I wasn't planning on it, 8ut sure, I guess. I promised to wipe the sl8 clean, after all!  
KANAYA: That Is Reassuring  
KANAYA: But I Am Curious About One Thing In Particular  
KANAYA: What Is That That Aradia Has Done To Incense You So  
KANAYA: She Has Been Particularly Reticent Ever Since We Were Evacuated To This Meteor   
KANAYA: It Strikes Me As Suspicious That You Would Want Anything To Do With Her  
VRISKA: That's confidential!  
VRISKA: 8ut let's just say that she's 8een sticking her cartilaginous nu8 where it doesn't 8elong.  
KANAYA: Oh  
KANAYA: I Can Only Assume This Concerns The Human You Have Mentioned Earlier  
VRISKA: Is it that o8vious?   
KANAYA: To Be Fair What Other Reason Would You Have To Quarrel With Her  
VRISKA: Hm, good point.  
KANAYA: Regardless It Is None Of My Business Why The Either Of You Have Taken Up An Interest In The Human  
KANAYA: But Try To Keep It Civil For Our Sake  
VRISKA: Alright, alright, Miss Fussyfangs, I heard you the first time!!!!!!!!  
VRISKA: I'm going to go have a nice, civilized convers8ion with her that will not escal8 into unnecessary violence and 8loodshed.  
VRISKA: There, happy?  
KANAYA: Quite  
VRISKA: Now that's settled, I'm going to go and meet up with her. And it will be just like I said 8efore!  
VRISKA: No violence or anything like that.  
KANAYA: Of Course  
KANAYA: I Wish You The Best Of Luck In Your Endeavors  
VRISKA: It's 8een nice talking to you again, don't know why we don't do this more often!  
VRISKA: L8r.  



	14. John: Quit being the center of attention.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John makes babies with Aradia. (Psyche.)

You stop being the center of attention, but only because you're not aware that you are actually still being the center of attention. Boy, being important is harder work than you thought it would be, that is, if you knew you were currently being important!

At least that's what the perpetually pissed off troll was trying to say. Truth be told, you're still not too sure what happened, outside of the fact that you're currently being swarmed by several BABIES you've zapped into existence. Eight of them, to be precise, but there's nothing like hyperbole to make your current situation sound dramatic.

Speaking of dramatic, the troll mentioned something about the Reckoning happening soon, but glancing up at the clock on the wall, it still says you have exactly 17 minutes remaining until then. His definition of a few minutes is definitely off, but seeing as how they're time traveling space aliens and all, you suppose you can cut them some slack.

Oh dear, it seems that one of the babies is busy banging his DUAL FLINTLOCK PISTOLS on the floor and making a ruckus. You briefly consider taking the guns away from him, but you don't really want to risk getting shot in the process either. The best course of action would be to calm him down with a silly face or two.

It looks like that did the trick, thankfully, as your baby grandfather drops the guns and start clapping gleefully to himself. You're not sure what you're more bothered by: the fact that this baby could have severely harmed or even killed you or another child, or that it's actually your grandfather. Maybe both.

However, just as you're about to confiscate the egregiously dangerous FIREARMS from the young rapscallion, your SERIOUS BUSINESS GOGGLES light up and blind you from the task at hand. You really need to get a better hands-free computing device.

apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB]  


AA: greetings j0hn   
EB: oh hey!   
EB: as you can clearly see here, i am currently busy being a surrogate father for eight children, four of which that i think are related to me.   
EB: and they all smell worse than i expected.   
EB: it's kinda nauseating actually.   
AA: ah s0 i assume that cg already t0ld y0u ab0ut what y0u just did then   
EB: yeah, he was being exceptionally crabby during it though!   
EB: but i guessed what he meant to tell me was that i lived up to my chumhandle's family name.   
EB: he mentioned stuff about the whole purpose of creating all these babies was that it was the solution to the ultimate riddle.   
EB: like we were always destined to be created in this fashion, and that everything we did up until now was to ensure that it happened!   
EB: i think...?   
AA: yes that is c0rrect   
AA: thr0ugh the pr0cess 0f ect0bi0l0gy y0u have maintained causality and ensured the creati0n 0f y0ur sessi0n   
AA: parad0xically speaking y0u were never really b0rn    
AA: but instead created thr0ugh a series 0f circumstances by fate   
EB: man, in a way, that's both really creepy and cool at the same time!   
EB: he also said that he did the same thing for you guys, but he didn't really want to go into detail about it.   
AA: that is true as well   
AA: he played the same r0le y0u did by seeding 0ur sessi0n   
AA: h0wever 0ur sessi0n had twelve players s0 i can 0nly imagine h0w difficult it must have been f0r him   
AA: even i w0uld l0se my patience   
EB: that's hard to imagine!   
EB: both you losing your patience and cg having to deal with all those babies, i mean.   
AA: as c0mp0sed as i may seem i am n0t what 0ne w0uld c0nsider t0 be a saint   
AA: ive l0st my temper bef0re and made s0me bad decisi0ns   
AA: which 0ddly en0ugh necessitated everything that happened s0 far   
AA: but i can 0nly h0pe that y0u can 0verl00k th0se flaws when the time c0mes   
EB: well, of course! i don't think i have it in me to really dislike anyone, since it's not like everyone's perfect.   
EB: i know i'm not perfect! like, i honestly feel like an idiot with all of this stuff passing me by, especially with all these shouting aliens and weird time travel stuff going on.   
EB: it's like i'm stuck in a permanent butterfly effect where i just have to go along for the ride, you know?   
EB: so it would be out of my depth to really judge anyone for anything after everything's said and done.   
AA: wise w0rds   
AA: and yet y0u insist that y0u are n0t the leader 0f y0ur sessi0n   
AA: pard0n me f0r the 0bservati0n but i c0uld n0t resist p0inting that 0ut   
AA: y0ur humility is rather charming   
EB: oh, um, geez, i didn't mean to make it sound all sappy and stuff!   
EB: i'm just stating how i feel about stuff right now. it honestly does feel like the universe is conspiring right now to make me the butt of its vast cosmic joke.   
EB: but it has yet to learn that i am the pranking MASTER!   
AA: a g00d appr0ach as any t0 the fate 0f 0ur sessi0ns   
AA: but there are s0me things i must warn y0u 0f within y0ur immediate future   
AA: which is why i c0ntacted y0u at this specific p0int in time   
AA: it may be difficult f0r y0u t0 take in at 0nce s0 please bear with me   
AA: ribbit   
AA: sh00t   
EB: okay, just give me a moment here, junior's getting restless again.   
EB: there we go!   
EB: sorry, as you were saying?   
AA: i w0uld like t0 preface this by telling y0u that the timeline has been unh00ked fr0m its 0riginal 0utc0me   
AA: the g0al is still very much the same   
AA: but the means 0f reaching that p0int have changed   
EB: wait, so are you saying that we've entered a doomed timeline?   
AA: thankfully n0   
AA: because the p0int at which we must finish the l00p is still very much the same   
AA: the l00p itself has taken an0ther directi0n   
AA: the scratch is still the kn0t that ties everything t0gether   
AA: but the changes will n0t affect y0u in any maj0r capacity   
EB: that's a relief!   
EB: also, i think i remember hearing something about a null session from cg, is that by any chance related to this?   
AA: yes   
AA: as y0u already kn0w   
AA: y0ur sessi0n was never meant t0 bear fruit   
AA: we kn0w n0t why that is the case but it has t0 d0 with the fundamental structure 0f the game   
AA: y0u were f0r lack 0f a better term   
AA: d00med fr0m the start   
EB: i remember that much, but you never really explained what our other victory conditions were!   
EB: but i know it has something to do with the scratch.   
AA: yes the scratch is what will essentially restart y0ur universe   
AA: the same players will enter the field but in a different c0mbinati0n t0 pr0m0te success   
AA: f0r example y0ur new duplicate might n0t have a piv0tal r0le in it   
AA: but instead it might be y0ur genetic relatives instead   
AA: it is rand0m h0w it will 0ccur but nevertheless that is h0w it must be   
EB: wait, so what happens to us then?   
AA: if y0u ch00se t0 stay in the universe when the scratch happens   
AA: y0u will be n0 m0re t0 put it lightly   
EB: uh...   
EB: so... how exactly are we supposed to survive if we're all just going to die anyways?   
AA: there are plans in place f0r us t0 meet 0utside 0f 0ur incipispheres and escape t0 the new sessi0n y0ur gr0up will create fr0m the scratch   
AA: i cann0t tell y0u the specifics as this is neither the time n0r place t0 d0 s0   
AA: it is quite c0mplex h0w it must 0ccur but y0ur friend r0se is already preparing f0r it   
AA: i plan t0 dissuade her in 0rder t0 m0tivate her further int0 d0ing s0   
EB: why can't you just, well, tell her to do it anyways?   
AA: because it w0uld d00m the timeline as strange as it s0unds   
AA: y0ur friend assumes that everything must be the inverse 0f what needs t0 be d0ne   
AA: everything she has d0ne s0 far is n0t by its simplest c0urse but instead the m0st c0mplex 0ne available   
AA: an inversi0n if y0u will   
AA: she is quite strange   
EB: that... actually makes complete and total sense.   
EB: hmmm, now that i think about it, that really does sum her up to a tee.   
EB: she never makes things easy, like when i sent her that knitting kit for her birthday and then she said that she didn't care for it but ended up getting into it anyways!   
EB: oops, i'm going off on a tangent here, sorry.   
AA: its 0k   
AA: regardless i am g0ing t0 have t0 feign ign0rance 0n the subject matter t0 her   
AA: because i have seen what happens if i d0nt   
AA: its an unf0rtunate necessity   
EB: say, what's your, uh... profession when you were in the game?   
EB: i know it has something to do with time like dave!   
EB: you just seem incredibly knowledgeable about all this time mumbojumbo.   
AA: that is c0rrect   
AA: i was the maid 0f time   
AA: and still technically am alth0ugh i will n0t utilize th0se p0wers f0r the time being   
AA: unlike the 0ther aspects there are n0 direct benefits f0r a time player 0utside 0f their pr0ficiency f0r time travel   
AA: they need t0 use created 0bjects t0 facilitate it   
AA: technically any0ne can use th0se items   
AA: but time players are m0re specifically attuned t0 their pr0per use   
EB: oh sweet, does that mean i can go time traveling if i wanted to?   
AA: we tried that 0nce   
AA: it went terribly t0 the p0int where we had six d00med c0rpses after everything was said and d0ne   
AA: we d0nt talk ab0ut it anym0re   
EB: ... nevermind.   
EB: anyways!!!!   
EB: i'm apparently the heir of breath, but i'm still not quite sure what exactly that's supposed to mean, so i was wondering if you might know anything about it.   
EB: all i know is that the salamanders won't shut up about something called the windy thing.   
AA: i will try t0 explain y0ur classpect t0 the best 0f my kn0wledge   
AA: 0ur classes are actually cl0sely related despite 0ur differences in aspects   
AA: the maid is the passive f0rm 0f the heir   
AA: maids are t0 use their abilities t0 pr0tect that aspect 0r 0thers with said aspect   
AA: heirs instead subvert that aspect and f0cus their p0wers and pr0tecti0n 0nt0 themselves   
AA: that is n0t t0 say that they are selfish h0wever   
AA: they can very much w0rk t0 pr0tect 0thers thr0ugh their acti0ns   
AA: s0 in a literal sense 0f 0ur definiti0ns   
AA: maid 0f time directly translates t0 s0me0ne wh0 is in service t0 time   
AA: hence why i am the timekeeper t0 b0th 0f 0ur sessi0ns   
AA: likewise y0urs w0uld be s0mething ar0und the lines 0f breath being in service t0 y0u   
EB: what does breath even do, though?   
EB: like time is obvious enough by the fact that you and dave can just zap around like bill and ted while having excellent adventures!   
EB: my powers seem really, well, lame in comparison.   
AA: it will c0me naturally t0 y0u   
AA: but d0 n0t underestimate y0ur 0wn abilities   
AA: sadly i cann0t say what kind 0f p0tential breath h0lds f0r y0u   
AA: 0ur breath player never came cl0se t0 his full p0tential   
AA: needless t0 say he was arguably the weakest link in 0ur sessi0n but it was n0t entirely his fault   
EB: darn, i was hoping i'd get some tips on managing this whole windy thing deal.   
EB: oh well, thanks for answering anyways.   
EB: and by the way, do you know what i'm supposed to do with all these babies?   
EB: they're starting to get antsy and i don't know what to do with them!   
EB: this is starting to get like that one movie with tom selleck and those two other guys who have to all be the dad for this one baby, except that in my case it's only tom selleck and he has to deal with eight babies instead.   
AA: 0_0   
EB: the smell isn't getting much better either.   
AA: but yes y0ur wigglers will be whisked away t0 their c0rresp0nding timelines when the reck0ning c0mes   
AA: it is an aut0matic pr0cess that is 0ut 0f y0ur hands   
EB: wow, that's...   
EB: oddly convenient for once!   
EB: also, what do you mean by wigglers?   
AA: well   
AA: 0ur juvenile bi0l0gy is different than y0ur species even th0ugh we d0 share a l0t 0f similarities past that stage   
AA: we are b0rn as grubs hence the term wiggler   
AA: a sh0rt time later we pupate and l0se that f0rm in fav0r 0f f0ur limbs and bipedal l0c0m0ti0n like y0ur species   
AA: in which we l00k similar t0 the y0ung y0u are currently with right n0w   
AA: afterwards we leave 0ur br00dm0thers den and underg0 a series 0f rig0r0us trials   
AA: 0nly then are we ad0pted by 0ur lusus which are our bestial cust0dians   
EB: i'd just like to point out that everything you just said sounds completely awesome.   
EB: provided you aren't pulling my leg, of course!   
AA: n0t at all   
EB: s0!   
EB: so*!   
EB: does this mean that you guys actually part-insect?   
AA: n0t exactly   
AA: im actually n0t t00 sure 0n the details but we have s0rt 0f hybridized with an0ther species t0 bear 0ur y0ung   
AA: but we are still distinct fr0m 0ur br00dm0ther s0 t0 speak as the grub f0rm it pr0vides is temp0rary   
AA: since 0ur actual b0dies are still maturing underneath it   
EB: ah, so like some sort of a mobile cocoon, gotcha!   
AA: sure   
AA: theres an0ther individual here that can explain it much better than i can   
AA: but as much as id like t0 c0ntinue discussing the finer p0ints 0f 0ur species bi0l0gy with y0u and t0 als0 find 0ut ab0ut y0urs   
AA: i need t0 t0uch up0n a few things with y0u bef0re y0u g0   
AA: i managed t0 manipulate the timeline slightly s0 that y0u w0uld get here earlier than intended   
AA: but the time i b0ught f0r us is quickly running 0ut   
EB: oh jeez, i just noticed the clock only has three minutes left!   
AA: precisely   
AA: which is why i need y0u t0 listen very carefully   
AA: first 0ff y0u will fall asleep right bef0re the reck0ning 0ccurs   
EB: auuugggh, seriously???   
EB: i'm not even tired right now!   
AA: d0 n0t be alarmed as it will be d0ne by circumstances entirely 0ut 0f y0ur c0ntr0l   
EB: oh.   
AA: y0u will als0 n0t hear fr0m me in a while as y0u will be 0ccupied by the w0man i menti0ned in 0ur previ0us discussi0n   
AA: i need t0 remind y0u in case y0u have f0rg0tten   
AA: f0ll0w what she says but av0id gr0wing t00 cl0se t0 her   
EB: understood!   
AA: i say this n0t 0ut 0f jeal0usy but 0f genuine c0ncern f0r y0ur wellbeing   
AA: ugh why did i say that    
AA: nevermind that is n0t imp0rtant   
AA: fact 0f the matter is that she will be instrumental t0 y0ur sessi0ns success in the upc0ming h0urs   
AA: and lastly   
AA: xV?mb24A   
EB: um, what?   
AA: that is a captchal0gue c0de f0r y0u t0 put int0 y0ur alchemiter when y0u get the chance   
EB: oh, duh! my bad.   
EB: what's in it, though?   
AA: i cann0t say   
AA: but it is a gift fr0m me t0 y0u   
AA: it will be 0f    
AA: pard0n the pun   
AA: grave imp0rtance when the time c0mes   
EB: again with the cryptic nonsense!   
EB: (i just wanted to say that for the pun.)    
EB: i'm actually pretty okay with not knowing a lot of stuff by now.   
AA: there will be a time when the 0bscurities will c0me t0 an end   
AA: but now it is right ab0ut time f0r me t0 leave y0u be   
AA: farewell   
EB: okay, i guess i'll talk to you lpoi[;   
AA: hehehehe   
AA: sweet dreams j0hn   


apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased trolling ectoBiologist [EB]  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up, my output has been slowing down due to the ongoing holidays, but I'll try to get in some chapters regardless.


	15. Aradia and Vriska: Quarrel.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A meeting of the not-so-noble minds.

Within the Veil, there are some things that should not be tampered with, the most important of which are carefully laid plans and causality. Aradia has broken both and what wrongs were created must be set right again. The blueblood had her irons all laid in the fire, but they wound up doused and and cold. As she left the computer lab and emerged in the TRANSPORTALIZER room, she found her temper flaring up again. 

She was the one that was supposed to be the hero of this story, to craft someone into her image and to forge an enemy like none other. She was the one that was supposed to begin and end the grand adventure, not that stupid hunk of haunted metal. And yet, that had eluded her grasp. Whether it was chagrin, spite, or for another purpose altogether, Aradia's interference is but a minor setback in the greater scheme of things. After all, there are always more webs to weave and mend!

On the other side of a certain TRANSPORTALIZER, a reserved and diligent robot put the finishing touches on her last conversation. It would be a while before she would be able to converse with her apprentice again. When the troll first began her work, she only conversed with him in an effort to change causality and opt in for a more favorable outcome. But there was only so much she could do to stem the bleeding that would come into their session. The beast that would trap them inside of the meteor would still arrive and some of the other trolls will still die, no matter how hard she tried. 

But with each subsequent gap she filled into this new timeline, Aradia found herself growing slowly fonder of her charge. While the human's sense of humor was scattershot and culturally nonsensical at times, he actually listened to what she had to say and was even interested in the more mundane points she had to teach. That was more than she could say for her current group. Here, her opinions would be only considered at best and belligerently ignored at worst.

But as if on cue, Vriska materialized through the TRANSPORTALIZER, standing in front of the robo-troll with that usual haunting, self-assured grin of hers. Aradia found herself taken aback, having not anticipated the spidertroll's arrival to be this early. Quickly snapping her CROSBYTOP shut, Aradia addressed the intruder with a sneer and mechanical hiss.

ARADIA: what are y0u d0ing here  
VRISKA: Funny that you're the one saying that.   
VRISKA: 8ecause I should 8e asking you the same!  
ARADIA: wh0 tipped y0u 0ff  
ARADIA: answer me  
VRISKA: Let's just say that a little feather8east informed me of your recent trickery. For that, I should 8e congratul8ing you on your efforts to take what is mine!  
VRISKA: Truly a woman after my own heart! ::::)  
ARADIA: y0u disgust me  
ARADIA: y0u have br0ught n0thing but strife int0 0ur sessi0n and y0u are the reas0n why everything is the way it is n0w  
ARADIA: y0ur lack 0f basic c0mpassi0n and benev0lence is disgusting even by bluebl00d standards  
ARADIA: and n0w y0u c0me t0 me 0ut 0f sequence and threaten the stability 0f 0ur timeline  
ARADIA: what d0 y0u have t0 say t0 justify this  
VRISKA: Pfffffffft, still har8oring some 8lack sentiments for me after all this time?  
VRISKA: Look, I know how sensitive you can get with someone like me around, 8ut I'm only here to cur8 your activities, not ask you out on a h8d8.  
ARADIA: i d0nt care ab0ut y0ur pr0jected caligin0us feelings f0r me  
ARADIA: y0u still have yet t0 answer my 0riginal questi0n  
VRISKA: I think you and I 8oth know the answer to that question.  
VRISKA: Here, let me give you a hint to help you out! Don't think too long or hard a8out it or you might strain yourself!!!!!!!!  
ARADIA: ugh  
ARADIA: just tell me wh0 it is  
ARADIA: as my patience is running thin  
ARADIA: ribbit  
VRISKA: Fine, fine, jeeeeeeeesh. It was the semi-omniscient creeper guy with the white text.  
VRISKA: He told me aaaaaaaall a8out what you were doing and asked me to put a stop to it in his usual am8iguous, gr8ting way.  
VRISKA: And you know who I'm talking a8out, seeing as you're in the whole time 8usiness and all. So don't try to play dum8 with me!  
ARADIA: i wasnt planning t0 but yes i kn0w wh0 y0u speak 0f   
ARADIA: i had a hunch that if any0ne w0uld interfere with my plans it w0uld be him  
ARADIA: but i figured he w0uld ign0re it as my acti0ns w0uld be beneath him  
ARADIA: h0w tr0ubles0me  
ARADIA: y0u were 0riginally supp0sed t0 c0me in five minutes fr0m n0w 0n a request t0 bring me back int0 the c0mputer lab  
ARADIA: 0bvi0usly it did n0t pan 0ut as i expected  
VRISKA: 8lah 8lah 8lah, do you realize how 8oring you're sounding right now? I'm not going to sit here all day and listen to you dict8 how 8ad I fucked everything up again.  
VRISKA: I'm doing this 8ecause I don't have a choice.  
VRISKA: 8ecause if I didn't, I would wind up dead in a puddle of my own 8lood!  
ARADIA: yes  
ARADIA: a variety 0f events w0uld transpire in 0ur 0riginal sequence that w0uld bring unf0ret0ld suffering t0 0ur gr0up  
ARADIA: the reas0n why i decided t0 intervene in the first place was t0 ensure a greater chance 0f success after the scratch despite the l0sses we w0uld endure  
ARADIA: m0st 0f us w0uld be dead when the time came but we w0uld be m0re adequately prepared than bef0re  
ARADIA: but n0w that y0u are here i am n0t sure if that is still the case  
VRISKA: W8, are you implying that you knew I was going to die in the first place and you weren't planning on telling me?  
ARADIA: i w0uld advise y0u t0 keep your temper d0wn as i d0 n0t wish t0 escalate this further  
ARADIA: but yes  
ARADIA: if i were t0 tell y0u pri0r t0 this h0wever it w0uld certainly d00m the timeline as y0u w0uld seek t0 av0id y0ur demise  
ARADIA: i am 0nly 0perating with the breadth that 0ur l00p is pr0viding and making small adjustments  
ARADIA: but it seems that is n0 l0nger the case with y0ur unplanned arrival  
VRISKA: Small adjustments, that's a riot!  
VRISKA: Ahem, in case you haven't got the memo, directly interfering with my plans is not what I would call a "small adjustment."  
ARADIA: bef0re we c0ntinue 0n this t0pic i w0uld like t0 say the f0ll0wing  
ARADIA: my c0nversati0ns with j0hn have been limited in sc0pe and 0nly been used t0 guide him al0ng in his brief m0ments 0f c0nfusi0n  
ARADIA: i have n0t interacted with him past the thresh0ld when y0u will c0ntact him  
VRISKA: And just when might that 8e?  
ARADIA: it is n0t f0r me t0 say  
ARADIA: but i mean y0u n0 harm  
VRISKA: Suuuuuuuure, I'm just going to take that at face value and leave you 8e while I go scampering a8out in this monochrome meteor without a care in the world!  
VRISKA: Do you think I'm an idiot?  
ARADIA: n0 0_0  
VRISKA: Then why would you go out of your way to spite me like that? You had the other three humans to w8rk with!!!!!!!!  
VRISKA: 8ut you went after the one I told you a8out, like you're some kind of ingr8!  
ARADIA: maybe y0u sh0uldnt have said anything t0 start with  
ARADIA: i t00k it as an invitati0n  
ARADIA: but in all actuality  
ARADIA: it was b0und t0 happen anyways and i saw t0 it that it was carried 0ut and that i had n0 ch0ice in the matter  
ARADIA: there was n0thing m0re t0 it than that  
VRISKA: Hm.  
VRISKA: Hmhmhmhmhmhmhmhm.  
ARADIA: what  
VRISKA: Oh, don't mind me. I'm just wondering if you're 8latantly lying to my face or actually telling the truth.  
VRISKA: 8ut let's say I do 8elieve you're 8eing honest with me, what then?  
VRISKA: Should I just let you go 8ack to the others and we can pretend that this entire de8acle never happened?  
VRISKA: Or should I go ahead and rip off your ro8otic lim8s to ensure that you won't ever get the chance to interact with a key8oard ever again?  
ARADIA: even if y0u did  
ARADIA: i am still a sprite remember  
ARADIA: r0bbing me 0f my physical f0rm w0uld d0 little t0 change that  
ARADIA: the 0nly reas0n i am 0ccupying this b0dy is s0 the 0thers are n0t disturbed by my presence and t0 als0 m0dulate my em0ti0ns  
VRISKA: 8leh, forget I even asked.  
VRISKA: I still don't know what I should DO with you, though.  
VRISKA: The creep asked me to take care of you and he was 8eing incredi8ly vague a8out it.  
ARADIA: i believe it w0uld be 0f mutual benefit f0r us t0 walk away fr0m it  
ARADIA: but if thats n0t en0ugh  
ARADIA: i pr0mise n0t t0 c0ntact j0hn anym0re under the c0nditi0n that y0u leave me be  
ARADIA: is that t0 y0ur satisfacti0n  
VRISKA: And how do you plan on carrying out your end of the 8argain? Honor system?  
ARADIA: h0w ab0ut this  
ARADIA: when we return t0 the lab i will take my p0siti0n next t0 y0u s0 that y0u may 0bserve all my activities  
ARADIA: that way y0u will see that i plan t0 keep true 0n my w0rd  
VRISKA: A tempting offer!  
VRISKA: 8ut then you can see what I'd 8e doing, which is just as much of a pain in the ass for me.  
ARADIA: vriska  
ARADIA: i already kn0w what y0u have been d0ing and will be d0ing  
ARADIA: m0stly  
ARADIA: every0ne else can t00 if they l00k at y0ur timeline  
ARADIA: i 0n the 0ther hand am the 0nly 0ne wh0 can 0bfuscate th0se timelines  
ARADIA: w0uld y0u be willing t0 take that risk with me  
VRISKA: My, you're sounding positively ruthless now.  
VRISKA: I'm starting to think that the 8lue 8lood running through your chassis suits you a lot 8etter than the one you were 8orn with! ;;;;)  
ARADIA: if it wasnt f0r the fact that this was f0rm was a gift i w0uld have rejected it 0n that principle al0ne  
ARADIA: everything ab0ut my existence feels like a neverending h0rr0r if i dwell 0n it f0r t00 long  
ARADIA: i 0nly wish t0 be truly alive again   
ARADIA: but i d0 n0t kn0w if that will ever be the case thanks t0 y0u  
ARADIA: there is little else i have t0 live f0r 0utside 0f guaranteeing 0ur survival int0 the next sessi0n  
ARADIA: s0 anything y0u take away fr0m me w0uld be a welc0me respite fr0m this c0nstant ag0ny 0f undeath  
ARADIA: s0metimes i wish i c0uld just die and be d0ne with it all  
ARADIA: 0blivi0n is m0re than welc0me at this p0int and i w0uld n0t hesitate f0r it t0 c0me at y0ur acti0ns  
VRISKA: ........  
VRISKA: You know what? I've realized something.  
VRISKA: I suddenly find myself not giving a shit anymore.  
VRISKA: I mean, there's no fun to 8e had in toying with some8ody like you! You're not like Tavros or any of the other chumps who are easy to dig into.  
VRISKA: Trying to step on you is like trying to step on a gru8. No resistance, no nothing!!!!!!!!  
VRISKA: And I don't know if I could handle listening to you 8lithering a8out gloom and doom for hours on end either.  
VRISKA: Just........ stay put and don't interfere, got it?  
ARADIA: n0  
ARADIA: i insist that i c0me with y0u  
ARADIA: it is what causality has decreed and i will n0t take n0 f0r an answer  
ARADIA: y0u came here t0 dissuade me fr0m y0ur plans did y0u n0t  
ARADIA: it is c0unterintuitive that y0u would suddenly change y0ur tune like s0  
VRISKA: Ugh, when did the ta8les turn on me like this????????  
VRISKA: Whatever, you can tag along.  
VRISKA: Just don't sit next to me and we'll 8e fine. I don't want to listen to your nihilistic prose when I'm trying to 8e the hero here!  
VRISKA: 8ut I swear, if I find out that you're still dipping your prongs where they don't 8elong, there will 8e hell to pay.  
VRISKA: Are we clear?  
ARADIA: yes  
VRISKA: I repeat, are we clear????????  
ARADIA: i was n0t planning 0n d0ing any m0re than i already have  
ARADIA: y0u may trust me 0n this  
VRISKA: Good, then it's settled. Follow me and keep your trap shut or else the others will think something is up.  
ARADIA: im right behind y0u  
VRISKA: On second thought.  
VRISKA: You first.  
ARADIA: 0k  
ARADIA: ribbit  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you may have noticed, there has been a shift in the narrative perspective for this chapter. I attempted to recreate the present tense, third-person perspective from the first intermission, but I have found that it's rather limiting when trying to write complex sentences and actions. So from here on out, any chapter that has two or more characters physically interacting with each other will be done in a third-person, past tense perspective. Chapters that only follow one character's perspective will still abide by the usual Homestuck-style of writing. AKA, present tense and second-person perspective.
> 
> Oh, and happy holidays to all of the readers out there! Next chapter won't be up until after Christmas, as I will be out and about. In the meantime, however, I will be putting up another Homestuck-related work on AO3. It will be an ongoing collection of all the writing requests and prompts that I have done for other people, all of which are one-shots. Usually.


	16. John: Alchemize mystery code.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A spider begins to weave her web.

You cannot alchemize anything at the moment, as you are nowhere near your alchemiter! That, and you are currently on Skaia. Or at least you think you are, because this game is getting a bit too much for you to wrap your head around. Just moments ago, your dream self finally woke up, only to be greeted by the sight of a dead friend and carnage all around you. 

You're still not too clear on what happened, but you just know that Jade sacrificed her life to save you. The only memento you have of her is this strange ring she left behind. You're not one for collecting trophies from the fallen, but something at the back of your mind told you that this could become extremely important later on. Many years of playing countless adventure games have prepared you to take even the most inconsequential items into your inventory! Like rocks, because you can never have too many rocks.

Or robotic, bunny bodyguards for that matter. This super bunny, no, UBER BUNNY, saved you from imminent doom at the hands of some fiendish, winged hellhound. Even though he only wanted the ring, you knew full well that he was the type of person to just stab you anyways. Thank goodness for that bunny. As you and your new comrade continue your travels across the battlefield, you attempt to think up of a good name for him. Or should it be a her? Decisions, decisions.

But just as you're about to decide between Liv Tyler and John Goodman, you notice an all-too familiar figure in the distance. Could it be? Why, it has to be! No man can wear a hat so convincingly with a suit so... dapper-ly! You can practically smell his FATHERLY COLOGNE from where you stand. And not only that, there also appears to be a woman with him, even though you have no clue who she is. She kind of looks like Rose, but who cares about that? You're just happy to reunited with your loving father! 

All that separates the two of you is a deep ravine, but that's diddly squat. You can fly right across it with the greatest of ease! But just as you do a dramatic leap of faith across the chasm, you abruptly wake up from your dream. Not only that, you also appear to be back on LOWAS. You're not even sure how exactly you wound up here, seeing as there's nothing of note outside of a nearby ROCKET BOARD and some caution tape. The only thing that would have made sense is that someone strapped you to the board with the tape and sent you here, but that's just crazy talk.

Speaking of crazy talk, your captchalogued SERIOUS BUSINESS GOGGLES are currently buzzing off the hook! As you eject them from your SYLLADEX and put them on, you come to the realization that you were better off ignoring them in the first place.

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB]  


AG: Joooooooohn!   
AG: Come on, w8key-w8key!   
AG: Jeez, hurry up!!!!!!!!   
AG: Are you just going to stand there and gawk at 8oring rocks all day?   
EB: oh, uh... hey?   
AG: Finally!!!!!!!!   
AG: Took you long enough!   
EB: well, pardon me for not being enthusiastic about talking to yet another troll!   
EB: it feels like i've been talking to you guys more than my own friends ever since i started playing this crazy game.   
AG: Let me just start 8y saying that I apologize for the past stupidity of my friends! They don't know any 8etter.   
AG: 8ut me on the other hand, I'm not here to troll you like the others, 8ecause I'm here to help you grow and develop as you progress through the game!   
EB: are you now?   
EB: i find that a bit hard to believe, seeing as i've already fallen for that prank today.   
EB: that and i'm pretty sure you threatened to kill me before.   
AG: Are you certain that it wasn't Terezi? 8ecause that sounds like something she would do!   
AG: 8ecause I would never do such a thing!   
EB: er, pardon me for asking, but which one is terezi again?   
AG: The pesky, prying 8lind troll who licks anything that moves 8ecause she can smell and taste sight, or something stupid like that.   
AG: She's the one that got you killed, remem8er? Paradox-killed, anyhow.   
EB: oooooh, right, her, the one that types in L33TSP34K.   
AG: 8ingo.   
EB: hm, i'm still not buying it.   
EB: i'm pretty positive that it was you, but then again, you both have similar text colors.   
EB: i might be misremembering.   
AG: Seems to 8e that way, 8ecause I never talked to you 8efore now!   
AG: You assume far too much of me when I'm only trying to 8e your friend.   
EB: i guess so.   
EB: say, since you mentioned terezi's name, do you mind if i ask for yours?   
EB: so i at least know who to call the person i'm talking to!   
AG: Hmmmmmmmm, I don't know if I should 8e giving out my name to the person who accused me of sending them a death threat just a moment ago!   
AG: Sounds a little counter-intuitive if you ask me. :::;)   
EB: oh shoot, i guess i should apologize for calling you out like that!   
EB: i'm just a little uneasy with, uh... how messed up everything is right now, so you'll have to pardon me.   
EB: anyways!   
EB: what's your name?   
AG: Hahahahahahahaha! You're killing me here, Eg8ert!   
AG: There's no need to 8acktrack that much. I'm no prude.   
AG: Usually.   
EB: usually?   
AG: Nothing, nothing.   
AG: Anyways, since you asked so kindly, I will let you in on my name!   
AG: Mistress V. Serket, at your service!   
EB: wait.   
EB: do you seriously want me to call you mistress?   
AG: Uh, no? Not yet anyways!   
EB: er...   
AG: 8luh, that's 8esides the point!!!!!!!!   
AG: You are going to have to earn my respect 8efore you get to know me on a first-name 88sis.   
AG: Them's the 8r8ks!   
EB: it's not that, it's just that, uh, mistress tends to have, you know... certain connotations.   
AG: Like what?   
EB: jeez, how do i put it...   
EB: a mistress is someone that a person in a relationship sees on the side, you know?   
AG: Eg8ert, that's disgusting!   
EB: i'm just saying!    
EB: this is going to be another one of our weird cultural differences, isn't it?   
AG: Apparently! 8ecause in our society, mistresses are powerful and capa8le leaders that keeps the low8loods in line and make them achieve their highest possi8le potential.   
AG: Hence why I need to keep a close eye on you!   
EB: but why me?   
EB: i think i was doing just fine on my own, even with you trolls hassling me.   
AG: 8ecause John, let's cut the crap and face the music.   
AG: If I left you to your own devices, you would end up doing the same mist8kes that our 8reath player did.   
AG: And I'm not going to let that happen all over again, hence the intervention.   
EB: wait, you guys had a breath player?   
EB: why can't i just talk to him, or her instead?   
EB: that would make more sense since he or she would know what to do with these... windy things.   
AG: Trust me, you don't want to. Unless you feel like listening to a stuttering jackass who doesn't even know how to lace a pair of 8oots if his life depended on it.   
AG: The guy spent most of our session asleep, for f8ck's s8ke!!!!!!!!   
AG: He never even figured out how to use his own powers, let alone try! That's how much he sucked.   
AG: I, on the other hand, have unlocked my full potential and clim8ed aaaaaaaall the rungs to success.   
AG: Now, I will give you a choice.   
AG: You can either choose to continue playing on your own without my assistance, which will no dou8t lead to your session's failure. Or you can choose to win the game 8y following my instructions.   
AG: And I know that for a fact 8ecause I can see that timeline right here! Heck, I can even pinpoint the exact times when you and your friends will inevita8ly wind up dead if you choose to say no.   
AG: Keep in mind, I'm not saying this to scare you into it, as this is the cold, hard, 8lue8looded truth!   
EB: when you put it like that, i guess it doesn't leave me with much of a choice, does it?   
EB: but do you need to be, well, so haughty about it?   
EB: no offense but i think you're giving rose a serious run for her money!   
AG: Haha, you're still so naive, Eg8ert. It's almost un8eara8ly cute!   
AG: Ever since I was a little gru8, I learned that the only way to get things done in your favor is to seize the moments as they come.   
AG: 8ecause if you don't reach out for that star, it's going to pass you right 8y and somewhere down the line, you're going to regret it.   
AG: And that is why I need to take the initi8ive and put my foot down, or else the whole world is going to walk over you and leave you in the dust!   
EB: that's a good approach to life!   
EB: i think?   
EB: i'm not really sure as i don't think i've ever had the chance to do anything on my own, even before i stepped foot into this game.   
EB: it really does feel like i'm strapped to this roller coaster and there's a bunch of bombs set up along the ride, like in that one movie.   
EB: which is also called rollercoaster.   
AG: No offense, 8ut that movie sounds pretty lame, even 8y our standards.   
EB: you're not wrong, haha!   
EB: but the point i'm trying to make is that i can't really do anything because everything is out of my control.   
EB: so even if i'm in danger or whatever, i just have to cross my fingers, close my eyes, and hope for the best.   
EB: it's actually starting to get kind of frustrating now that i think about it.   
AG: And that is why I'm here! We're going to 8r8k that chain and forge our own destinies from now on!   
EB: and listen to the wind blow and run in the shadows while we're at it?   
AG: What?   
EB: er, never mind, maybe i'll tell you later.   
AG: You're a kooky guy, Eg8ert. I kinda like that.   
AG: 8ut now that we're on the same page, let's sink our fangs into something more exciting!   
AG: Like saving your friend J8de, for instance.   
EB: oh no, i forgot all about her!   
EB: jade... :(   
AG: Relax, she's fine as can 8e! Only her dream self died.   
AG: 8ut you still need to get her to enter your session or she might really 8e in deep trouble!   
EB: i need to get my butt into gear and save her, then!   
EB: talk to you later, miss serket!   
AG: W8!!!!!!!!   
AG: You don't even have the copy of your game yet, dum8ass. How do you plan on saving your friend if you can't even get her into your session?   
EB: damn it, i knew i was forgetting something.   
EB: duuuuuuuuh.   
EB: do you know where it might be?   
AG: Yep! Just w8 there for a couple of minutes.   
EB: that's it?   
AG: Remem8er, who is the one that can see ahead into your timeline? That's right, me!   
AG: Plus, everything is happening for a reason. If I wasn't talking to you right now, you wouldn't 8e a8le to get the copy of the game for Jade since you would have already left!   
AG: Think of it as your timeline 8eing a we8, with you struggling and wriggling all a8out, only to wrap yourself deeper and deeper inside of it!   
AG: The catch 8eing that it's my we8! ;;;;)   
EB: oh, i get it now.   
EB: you got some sort of spider thing going on with all those 8's and stuff, right?   
AG: Yeah!   
EB: huh.   
EB: i was totally going to diss you about that, but i felt like i already said it before.   
EB: weird.   
AG: What's your pro8lem with spiders? They're cool!!!!!!!!   
EB: nah, they're gross!   
EB: especially since they like to climb all over you in the middle of the night and scare you half to death, or crawl into your mouth to make a statistic.   
AG: 8ut that's the fun part. You'd change your tune pretty quick if I was the one clim8ing all over you instead!   
EB: whoa, uh...   
EB: i don't think i know how to respond to that.   
AG: See? Spiders aren't as 8ad as when they're metaphorical. Or figurative, whatever you wish to call it!   
AG: Also, heads up! Take a look 8ehind you.   
EB: what?   
EB: i don't see anything?   
EB: oh wait, there's my game copy!!!   
EB: that was oddly convenient.   
AG: And to think that you were hesitant to trust me. 8elieve me when I say that I'm looking after your, no, OUR 8est interests!   
EB: i guess my next course of action is to get back home and pop this cd in, right?   
AG: Right, 8ut you will need to get to a return node first 8efore you can do that! Let me draw you up a map real quick to get you started.   
EB: there's no need for that, terezi already drew one for me!   
EB: she made two really crappy maps as a sort of weird apology for killing me.   
EB: or trying to, anyway.   
AG: Seriously????????   
AG: Uggggggggh, and I already have to deal with enough of these meddlesome friends sticking their faces where they don't 8elong.    
AG: I guess I should give her props for trying to one-up me like that, though.   
AG: Clever girl.   
EB: i take it you're not on good terms with her?   
AG: Long story.   
AG: I'm not kidding when I say long either, it could easily fill an entire 8ook with the sheer amount of gar8age we put each other through.   
EB: if there's one thing i learned from you guys, it's that you're a very, VERY dysfunctional group.   
EB: and that's not even factoring in all the trolling either!   
AG: Damn it, speaking of dysfunctional, gah, why now of all times????????   
AG: Gr8, just what I needed right now. He's eying me up again.   
EB: huh?   
AG: Never mind, you take that rocket board and go up on ahead to your hive, something cropped up on my end. I'll talk to you when you get there.   
EB: okay, seeya then, i guess?   


arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling ectoBiologist [EB]  


EB: huh, i wonder what happened.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're back!


	17. Vriska: Take care of business.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unexpected pest makes his appearance.

Ever since you came back to the computer lab with Aradia in tow, there has been a hushed silence that has settled over the other trolls. Muted whispers and conversations hover about the air like ghosts, and you know full well they're all talking about you. They're probably asking one other what your business with Aradia was about, all while concocting wild tales of what might have transpired between the two of you. You can't help but pity them, because you've got bigger and better things to busy yourself with.

Like being the hero! You've often dreamed of being in the spotlight and carving out your own destiny from the reins of fate. To say that you like being the center of an attention would be an understatement. Even so, a hero as great as yourself needs a worthy apprentice to lead and a suitable villain to conquer. Otherwise, there would be no conflict, no drama, and most importantly, no fun to be had in it!

Alas, you've already failed once in creating an ideal sidekick out of that lowly dungblood. Just thinking about him is enough to make your tongue curl in disgust. On top of that, your current adversary is, for the time being, still incomplete. Now is the time for careful planning and preparation to fix those mistakes, and you cannot let one second of it go to waste. There are still many gaps that need to be filled in order to ensure the demon's creation. And by hook or by crook, you will also have that alien boy wrapped around your finger, even if it's the last thing you do.

As you near the end of your first conversation with John, you begin to feel the presence of an all-too familiar acquaintance draw closer and closer. You first instinct is to try to ignore it and hope it goes away, but it's no good. The overpowering scent of sea salt and cheap grubfume sifts into your nostrils, with the faint pangs of an early migraine to go with it. You have long since learned to associate that dreadful stench with two things: failure being the first.

Eridan being the second. Putting an abrupt stop to your dialogue with John, you turn to meet the highblood with piss, vinegar, and the 8itchiest 8itchface to go with it. Maybe the idiot will get the hint this time and sod off for good.

...

Damn it.

VRISKA: What????????  
ERIDAN: hey vvris dont give me that lip  
ERIDAN: showw some fuckin respect here im not here to receivve your pity accolades and wweep about my lot in life  
ERIDAN: i wwanted to talk to you about somethin else  
VRISKA: A8out what? There's nothing to talk a8out 8etween us.  
VRISKA: 8ecause I just know you're going to somehow twist this line of convers8ion and 8lather on endlessly a8out how you're still waxing 8lack for me.  
VRISKA: Those days are over, and I suggest you also get over it.  
ERIDAN: dammit vvris thats not wwhat i wwanted to talk about  
ERIDAN: just listen to wwhat i got to say  
VRISKA: Ugh, fine.  
VRISKA: 8ut I swear, if you start 8lu88ering a8out your relationship issues, I will see to it that your face and my fist 8ecome intim8 lovers.  
VRISKA: Are we clear?  
ERIDAN: as cold as evver vvris  
VRISKA: ::::)  
ERIDAN: anywway i wwanted to talk about wwhats the deal wwith you and ara  
ERIDAN: i mean fef evven approached me and asked wwhat i thought about it  
ERIDAN: wwhich is a fuckin rare sight seein as she nevver talks to me anymore  
VRISKA: Oh, that.  
VRISKA: Let's just say that our ro8otic friend has 8een sticking her mitts where they don't 8elong.  
VRISKA: I only put a stop to it, nothing more.  
ERIDAN: oh  
ERIDAN: so  
ERIDAN: you twwo arent an item then  
VRISKA: What? No, don't 8e a8surd!  
VRISKA: W8, hold up. Is that seriously what everyone is thinking right now?  
ERIDAN: wwell no  
ERIDAN: i wwas just curious  
VRISKA: ........  
ERIDAN: wwait dont hit me just yet  
ERIDAN: fef wwanted to knoww the specifics of wwhat happened  
ERIDAN: she said somethin around the lines of wwhy the twwo of you wwould wwant anythin to do wwith each other  
ERIDAN: because wwell you knoww   
ERIDAN: im only operatin on wwhat im told so bear wwith me  
VRISKA: Why couldn't Feferi just talk to me instead? She's actually cool, unlike you.  
ERIDAN: enough wwith the potshots vvris my ship is already sunk  
ERIDAN: but to answwer your question i offered to go in her place as a favvor  
ERIDAN: wwhats wwith that look  
VRISKA: You are hopeless. Completely and utterly hopeless.  
VRISKA: You do realize that, to her, that's possi8ly one of the most inconsequential things you can do to earn her favor, right?  
VRISKA: She pro8a8ly didn't even think twice a8out it.  
ERIDAN: hey i thought wwe agreed on keepin the personal stuff to a minimum  
ERIDAN: are wwe backtrackin that noww  
VRISKA: No, if you may remem8er, the only catch was for you to keep your trap shut.  
VRISKA: Me, on the other hand, I can say whatever I want! You fell for the 88, hook, line, and sinker!  
ERIDAN: wwoww  
ERIDAN: im not evven mad   
ERIDAN: im impressed  
ERIDAN: wwhatevver thats not the point im tryin to make here  
ERIDAN: seriously wwhat actually happened betwween you and ara  
VRISKA: Hm. Hm. Hm...  
VRISKA: Hm. Hm. Hm. Hm. Hm!  
ERIDAN: wwhat  
VRISKA: Okay, here's the deal. If I tell you, will it get you off of my 8ack?  
ERIDAN: yeah fine  
ERIDAN: just tell me wwhat happened and ill get out of your hair  
VRISKA: Good, then it's settled.  
VRISKA: First off, you know the aliens we found, right? The humans?  
ERIDAN: right wwhat about em  
VRISKA: I have a very specific plan in store for one of them. I will condition that 8oy to reach his fullest potential, so that he would 8e prepared when the time comes.  
VRISKA: When he initi8s the Scratch, that would 8e our cue to meet up with his group in the new universe.  
VRISKA: That way, we can esc8pe our f8 and 8r8k this stupid paradox loop for good.  
VRISKA: Following me?  
ERIDAN: not really  
ERIDAN: wwhat the bleedin fuck is a scratch  
VRISKA: Do I need to spell everything out for you?  
VRISKA: In short, the universe we m8de was imperfect and doomed to failure. We never made it into the new universe 8ecause of that demon, remem8er?  
ERIDAN: i knoww that much but wwouldnt it be easier just to join up wwith that guy  
ERIDAN: i mean evverythin sucks hard right noww and i bet you he wwould spare us  
VRISKA: Are you seriously going to turn coat for something that doesn't even have a functioning moral compass?  
VRISKA: I shouldn't 8e the one having to tell you this.  
ERIDAN: ivve been considerin it  
VRISKA: You're a dum8ass.  
ERIDAN: wwell its just an idea  
VRISKA: Let's keep it that way.  
VRISKA: Like I was saying, their universe is FU8AR, there's no way they can win unless they hit the reset 8utton.  
VRISKA: In this case, the Scratch.  
ERIDAN: so howw exactly are you goin to use the alien to wwin or at least stavve off the inevvitable  
ERIDAN: it seems to me wwere all properly fucked in the end  
VRISKA: 8y m8king him ascend, of course. The details aren't that important yet, trust me.  
ERIDAN: wwhat the hell does all this nonsense havve to do wwith her anywway  
VRISKA: She tried to interfere with my plans 8y sneaking past me and having a secret correspondence with my human.  
ERIDAN: wwhy wwould she do that though  
ERIDAN: she hasnt done anythin since evveryone got tossed onto this rock  
VRISKA: And that's exactly what she would have you 8elieve. She's clever, I have to admit.  
VRISKA: I had to put an early stop to her meddling 8efore it got out of hand, so that's why we came 8ack together.  
VRISKA: That's all there is to it.  
VRISKA: No h8mance, romance, 8lack, red, pale, ashen, whatever you want to call it.  
ERIDAN: i wwasnt plannin on insinuatin it  
ERIDAN: but i do havve another question  
VRISKA: Fine, go ahead.  
ERIDAN: so wwhats the name of the human youre wwaxin poetic about  
ERIDAN: nothin serious i just wwanted to knoww  
VRISKA: ........  
VRISKA: Rose.  
ERIDAN: alright enough wwith the killstare i get that you wwant to ride my bulge but youre killin me here  
ERIDAN: oldest ride longest line you knoww the routine  
VRISKA: And yet you have the gall to ask why no8ody likes you?  
ERIDAN: hey dont fuckin start wwith that  
ERIDAN: the last thing i need to havve is a lecture on datin advvice from public enemy number one here  
VRISKA: May8e you should work on 8eing a 8etter person and trying to recognize your flaws 8efore deflecting criticism. Serious.  
VRISKA: Hell, I know people still loathe me 8ut I'm trying to leave that stuff 8ehind and start anew.  
VRISKA: I could have str8 up killed Aradia, 8ut I didn't! A sweep ago, I wouldn't have hesit8ed in the slightest.  
VRISKA: And I didn't then.  
VRISKA: I'm not perfect 8ut at least I'm trying to change.  
ERIDAN: thats a fuckin riot comin from you  
ERIDAN: wwhy should i listen to that tripe  
ERIDAN: you crippled tavv murdered countless trolls like the shifty vvicious scoundrel you are  
ERIDAN: i mean yeah youre a 8lue8lood and you wwere completely justified  
ERIDAN: but noww youre tryin to wwash your hands like a rustblood wwould  
ERIDAN: at least im honest wwith myself and knoww that if im a scumbag i can accept it  
ERIDAN: i dont understand howw you can feel guilty about wwhat happened in flarp all those swweeps ago  
ERIDAN: you cant erase the past and try to change wwho you are  
ERIDAN: its goin to stay there no matter wwhat you do  
ERIDAN: youvve gone soft vvris and honestly its startin to sicken me  
ERIDAN: you wwere a proper jezebel once and noww im lookin at some wwannabe harlot  
VRISKA: If you're trying to make me har8or 8lack feelings for you again, try a 8it harder next time.  
VRISKA: I don't care a8out what other people think of me, 8ecause I'm going to do what I feel is right and have fun while doing so. Even if I'm alone.  
VRISKA: Yeah, I might never 8e a8le to truly redeem myself 8ut I'm not going to lie down and let regret roll all over me.  
VRISKA: And at least I can see the 8igger picture, unlike you.  
ERIDAN: wwhat made you change your tune anyhoww  
ERIDAN: you used to be such a proper hellion that it wwould make evven troll nero shed a tear at your wwanton hedonism  
ERIDAN: hard to believve that the same wwoman wwho used to shovve dead trolls into the fat gapin maww of her lusus wwould be sayin these things  
VRISKA: That's none of your 8usiness.  
ERIDAN: yeah wwell if youvve turned a neww leaf then howw wwould you like it if i messed wwith the rose human  
ERIDAN: because i noww knoww you arent goin to kill me if i do it right  
VRISKA: Go ahead, I don't care.  
VRISKA: In fact, I'd like to see you try.  
ERIDAN: you asked for it  
ERIDAN: this is your last chance to ask yours truly for mercy  
VRISKA: Just piss off already, I've already wasted enough of my time talking to you.  
VRISKA: Do it or don't.  
ERIDAN: thats it  
ERIDAN: dont come cryin and askin for sympathy wwhen that pipin hot plan a yours comes crumblin dowwn on your head  
ERIDAN: you wwill wwish you wwere nevver spawwned mark my wwords  
ERIDAN: oh givvin me the silent treatment noww are you  
ERIDAN: god damn it quit starin at me  
ERIDAN: fine  
ERIDAN: wwe wwill see howw that act holds up by the time im finished wwith you  
ERIDAN: oh and uh  
ERIDAN: bye  
VRISKA: (Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!! Suuuuuuuucker!)  



	18. Eridan: Seize the spotlight.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The shark bites off more than he can chew.

As you slink back to your computer, you wonder what you should do next. Should you talk to Feferi first and let her know what's up? Or do you get to work on wrecking Vriska's diabolical plans? You still can't believe she coughed up such juicy information so easily. It's long overdue for your chance to shine in the sun, and you're going to pull the rug right out from under her! That rotten bitch is going to get a taste of her own medicine, a rude awakening on the wrong side of the bed, and sixteen years of bad luck by the time you're through with her.

Peering over your shoulder, you notice that Feferi is currently preoccupied with Sollux on that blasted pile of horns. Who the hell keeps a pile of horns laying about, and even then, who the hell would even want to sleep on one? Just the idea of all those pointed, metallic ends jabbing into uncomfortable places is enough to give you the shivers. Besides, you don't have it in you to have to deal with Sollux at the moment. His penchant for self-loathing and hopeless diatribes is too much for even you to handle.

You look back at your chat client, scanning over the various names and timelines scattered about. Feferi can wait, there's trolling to be done and schemes to concoct! Attempting to rack your brain as to which one was Rose, you scroll over the various names on your TROLLIAN CLIENT. It was the pink one, you were pretty sure of it. Or is it lavender? No, no, it's definitely mauve.

As you move to observe the mysterious Rose human, you suddenly realize that you have talked to him before. That's right, you attempted to put some smooth movves on him a few hours ago out of sheer boredom, only to get shut down instantly. And on closer inspection, is this human really a he? You are fairly certain that this 'he' was a 'she', but maybe there's something you don't know about. Whatever it might be, you are going to address the Rose human by their preferred gender for the sake of intergalactic diplomacy. Even if political correctness might be one of your weaker points. 

Regardless, the human is currently busy talking to someone on his HANDS-FREE COMPUTING DEVICE. Unfortunately for him, he's going to have to learn that Eridan wait for no man! Except maybe for Feferi... and a select few others.

Popping off a few of your many GOLDEN RINGS from your fingers, you set them aside on the desk. As badass as you look with all that bling at your bling-ertips, they tend to pinch at your flesh uncomfortably when you're typing. Plus, you never know when you might need to toss some gold down somebody's way to get them off your back.

caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling tentacleTherapist [TT]  


CA: noww this is some bullshit if ivve evver seen it   
TT: Oh god, it's you again.   
CA: wwait dont block me just yet im comin here to savve your backside from that wwench   
CA: im not here to burn bridges   
TT: Pray tell, what exactly is it that I need saving from?   
TT: Is this woman you speak of going to lead me down a decadent, spiraling path of hedonism and sin, where I will pass the rest of my days away in a blind stupor filled with regret and self-internalized paranoia that would no doubt lead to my eventual suicide?   
CA: you joke about it noww   
CA: but you bet your damn ass she wwill delivver you to ruination   
CA: dont trust that dame im tellin you   
CA: youre a highblood that wwas raised by a commoner or wwhatevver the hell your class system buses you about   
CA: youre a class act thats been sullied by the bottomfeeders   
TT: Am I?   
CA: you arent realizin the full picture here so thats wwhy i gotta stick a fork in it and tell you wwhats up dowwn left and right   
CA: lest you be poisoned by the font of antimony itself   
CA: you dont knoww the kind of shit she has put people through   
CA: shes a fuckin crippler and mass murderin piece of shit im only tryin to wwarn you before you fall into that wweb of hers   
TT: I find all this rather hard to believe, coming from you.   
TT: Especially since you tried to verbally force yourself onto a twelve-year old girl on her birthday.   
CA: i dont remember doin anythin like that   
TT: Let's see if this jogs your memory.   
TT: "have you evver met a troll before because wwere no strangers to interspecies relationships if you knoww wwhat i mean"   
TT: "wwhat do you mean no means no at least give me a chance dont do this to me"   
TT: "fuckin bitch you wwill regret this [sic] i have a fuckin energy gun that can vvaporize your entire house"   
TT: These are just a few cherry-picked quotes that I pulled from our previous conversation.   
CA: dont tell me you actually savved a log of that   
TT: In fact, I did.   
TT: Because I knew that if we ever talked again, I can use it as clout.   
TT: You're not very good at this, are you?   
CA: damn thats amazin i havve to admit   
CA: wwhats wwith all you vvicious humans puttin dowwn poor ol me   
CA: im only tryin to do wwhats best for you but you step all ovver me like im dirt   
CA: disgraceful is wwhat it is   
TT: You tried to engage in sexual roleplay with Jade, which I would like to comment is also under the age of consent.   
TT: I believe you have also made advances at Dave.   
TT: There was something involving togas and laced wine, if memory serves.   
CA: noww thats a fat crock of shit if i ever heard it i nevver did anythin like that   
CA: wwe are only 6 swweeps old   
CA: wwere on the cusp of our teenage years here   
TT: Interesting, noted.   
TT: I assume that your race either has a prolonged solar year or an accelerated growth into adulthood, correct?   
CA: i dont knoww and i especially dont care   
CA: either wway wwe are gettin off track here   
CA: i came here to wwarn you not attempt to croon and rub our hatenooks together   
CA: unless thats wwhat you wwant   
CA: because i definitely wwouldnt be against it   
TT: You've said and implied as much.   
TT: Now, riddle me this. Why should I bother to listen to someone who lacks even the most rudimentary amount of social etiquette?   
TT: My trusted confidant is much more agreeable and willing to understand the nuances of my race in comparison to your, for lack of a better phrase, lackluster approach.   
CA: holy hell you are completely insufferable howw does she deal wwith this   
TT: Kanaya has been very forthcoming in her discourses with me. Perhaps you should seek some pointers from her in the near future when choosing to converse with us.   
CA: wwait a sec here   
CA: you said kan and not vvris right   
CA: nix that   
CA: howw in holy troll hannibals sake did you find out her name   
TT: I asked.   
TT: But I must inquire as to who is this "Vris" that you speak of. I can only assume that is who you were trying to warn me of in the first place, no?   
CA: howw do you not knoww her name is vvriska   
CA: oh    
CA: i see howw it is   
TT: ?   
CA: the both of you are in on this joke arent you   
CA: playin me like im some bards instrument while tossin smoke and mirrors my wway   
CA: fuckin wwastrels the both of you   
CA: the skybeasts abovve wwouldnt be able to crap on this sickenin display of bosom buddies yuckin it up   
CA: you think im a fool dont you   
TT: If that is what you wish to believe, then certainly.   
CA: shut that trap for a minute   
CA: this is rose that i am talkin to right   
TT: You would not be wrong.   
TT: However, I believe that now would be a decent time to properly introduce yourself.   
CA: thats none of your business   
CA: you dont deservve to lick my boots wwith the wway youve been talkin to me   
TT: Then our, ahem, "business" here is concluded.   
CA: hold your stinkin seahorse for one second god damn it   
CA: its eridan   
CA: dont leavve me hangin just yet i got stuff i wwant to say before you try to kick me off like im some kind a sea louse   
TT: For someone who came in with their head held high, it doesn't take much effort for you to fold your cards.   
TT: How dull.   
CA: alright theres no wway you havvent been talkin to vvris   
CA: the twwo of you are proper bloodsuckin twwins   
CA: your charades end here so lets cut the extraneous garbage spewwin from your mouth    
CA: and start talkin about howw awwful your life is gonna be if you continue listenin to her   
TT: Here's some food for thought.   
TT: What if I don't care?   
CA: you better start carin because im offerin you a chance to turn back   
CA: savve your hide   
CA: knowwin her its all a ploy to get you to stab your friends in the back and betray your race   
CA: havve you slurpin troll bulges and leavvin your friends to rot in their depleted genetic slurry pool   
CA: evven troll benedict arnold wwould wwalloww in his owwn tears if he saww that depravvity   
TT: I'm not sure what to be more insulted by.   
TT: The fact that you think I will sell out my friends, your hypersexual overtures, or that I'm apparently incapable of making my own decisions.   
CA: you dont knoww but shes a proper trickster   
CA: ivve seen her outguile evven the craftiest trolls firsthand into eatin out of her hand   
CA: that tramp wwould steal your soul and sell it back to you at twwice the price its wworth   
CA: she can spin you around dress you up for a morsel and youd be none the wwiser   
CA: hussy stops at nothin to get her wway   
TT: Truly a woman after my own heart.   
CA: hell im not reachin through to you am i   
TT: A gallant effort, to be sure.   
CA: if thats howw you wwant to play   
CA: lets up the ante   
CA: you remember talkin to ara right   
TT: Ara?   
CA: aradia   
TT: Oh yes, of course I do.   
CA: she nevver talked to anyone but she took a likin to you from wwhat i knoww   
CA: i got no opinion on her except shes pretty hot despite bein a lowwblood   
TT: ...   
CA: anywway   
CA: vvris pulled her awway from you and shes bein held hostage as wwe speak   
TT: Oh no!   
TT: Whatever will I do?   
CA: noww you understand the deep shit wwere in   
CA: the first thing to do is to tell vvris off and start ignorin her until she cracks   
CA: she doesnt like bein ignored as much as she likes to pretend otherwwise   
CA: try to play it cool and she wwill be at your evvery wwhim like a rustblood slavve wwould servvice a tyrian   
CA: are you there   
TT: Keep going.   
CA: fuckin humans i swwear   
CA: the second thing to do is to followw evverythin i say   
CA: because i can givve you the divvy on your timeline and wwe can bypass all this nonsense   
TT: Question.   
TT: Would doing such a thing render our timeline moot? Check to make sure.   
CA: err   
CA: one sec im lookin   
CA: actually wwhat the hell   
CA: wwhy is my computer blowwn up a minute from noww   
TT: Heh.   
TT: Oh, and by the way?   
TT: Thanks for the information.   
CA: wwait wwhat   


caligulasAquarium's [CA's] computer exploded.  



	19. Rose: Escalate.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sister to a brother, one Derse dreamer to another.

How troublesome. Just a moment ago, you were having a pleasant conversation with Kanaya, only to be tactlessly interrupted by yet another one of her many colleagues. And if that wasn't enough, the fellow seems to have dropped a bucket of unasked-for drama and saucy gossip onto your lap. Normally, you would be above amusing such tripe, but there were some troubling points in the details he spilled.

Something about kidnapping, working with another troll, and most importantly, ruination. In any other situation, you would ignore it and continue on with whatever it is that you were doing. But judging from his insistence, there is no doubt in your mind that he was misdirected to you on purpose. The fact that this pathetic troll believed that you were in cahoots with this "Vriska" can only mean that one thing: that someone else in your group is presently working in conjunction with her.

You try to piece together who might at the center of this dense web of deceit. Jade is out of the question, as she still has yet to actually enter the session. That only leaves either John or Dave as the culprit of this mystery caper. Honestly, the both of them are stupid enough to play along with whatever plot one of the trolls might have in store for them. In fact, you can practically envision how it went down. There's John, just playing along to a harebrained scheme and not asking any questions with that goofy smile of his, while Dave slowly caves to peer pressure to avoid looking like a dweeb. 

When all of this is over, you plan on teaching those two a lesson in growing a proper spine.

Gesturing to your trusted aide, Viceroy Bubbles von Salamancer, you entrust him your THORNS OF OGLOGOTH. You won't be needing these for a while, and hopefully not to blow up another time-traveling space alien's computer either.

Speaking of aliens, you consider the possibility of asking Kanaya first for information, but nothing she has told you so far has hinted at this recent turn of events. She is more than likely just as in the dark as you are, sans the whole horrorterror thing you have going on. Deciding to cut to the chase, you select one of the boys at random and hope for the best.

tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]  


TT: Dave, there are some pressing matters which I wish to speak to you about.  
TG: uh  
TG: hold on one sec  
TG: im in the middle of something  
TT: I can wait.  
TG: seriously  
TG: cant a man get a little alone time here  
TG: ive been balls deep in time travel and shenanigans all day  
TG: the amount of bullshit ive been wading through is enough to give marty mcfly an early taste of parkinsons  
TT: You're not doing what I think you're doing, are you?  
TG: what  
TG: no  
TG: im trying to cop some zs here  
TT: Oh, my apologies. You see, there's been some recent developments that I've recently stumbled across that I wish to discuss with you.  
TT: Have you been in touch with any of the trolls recently?  
TG: did you not hear what i just said  
TT: Loud and clear. Now, please, answer the question.  
TG: do you hear that  
TG: its the sound of me not giving a shit  
TT: Answer the question or I will personally come over there myself and make myself a nuisance.  
TG: ok fine you win  
TG: jesus  
TT: Much better.  
TG: yeah ive been talking to a couple of them but theres been nothing out of the ordinary  
TG: its mostly just been the blind troll and me chilling and making incredibly shitty ironic art that ghost andy warhol would proudly hang on his wall  
TT: I see.  
TT: The reason I'm contacting you is because I have good faith that either you or John have gotten yourselves in trouble again.  
TT: Do you know the troll's name by any chance?  
TG: terezi  
TG: but before you continue im going to say this  
TG: if someone among us fucked up real bad theres like a 100% chance its going to be john  
TG: i mean shit  
TG: he already got himself killed and we spent way too much time trying to fix it the last time around  
TT: That seems to be the case, unfortunately.  
TG: five points to team strider  
TT: To clarify, I was recently contacted by one of the trolls that you may or may not remember talking to in the past.  
TT: He or she was operating under the presumption that I was involved with one of their kin and that something transpired on their end because of it.  
TG: so  
TG: who was it that contacted you  
TT: Somebody by the name of Eridan, who you might recognize by the handle of caligulasAquarium.  
TG: i recognize the handle but its still not ringing any bells  
TG: actually hold on a sec  
TG: is this going where i think its going  
TT: Hm?  
TG: okay so lets back up a little here  
TG: im going to need some space for this one  
TT: Of course.  
TG: so  
TG: something is telling me that this is all related to what me and davesprite were talking about a couple hours ago  
TG: there was something that was bothering the hell out of him  
TG: like he was going to die  
TT: That is disconcerting.  
TG: tell me about it the dude would not stop twitching the entire time  
TG: im not sure what exactly it was but it was enough to make him go sleuthing around like he just ate a box of fresh scooby snacks  
TG: he had a hunch that somebody was screwing with the timeline  
TG: again i dont know how but its a sprite thing i guess  
TG: he later found out from johns dead grandma that not only was she experiencing the same thing  
TG: johns definitely been in contact with somebody  
TG: but she didnt know who  
TG: each time she tried to take a peek it would black out  
TG: but it was clear that whoever he was talking to didnt want anybody else to know about it  
TG: so after that we made up a hit list of which troll it might be  
TG: because you just know those  
TT: A hit list? That's a rather intemperate way to deal with the situation.  
TG: well not a literal one  
TG: just something we could use to mentally eliminate which troll might be behind davesprites  
TG: FOWL MOOD [](http://imgur.com/lPLE23i)  
TT: Nice.  
TG: thank you im here all week  
TG: anyways we narrowed down the list to like four of them  
TG: which was an incredibly crappy crapshoot since we only based it off their handles  
TG: and if we talked to them before or not  
TG: because it sure as hell aint us and theyre our only lead  
TT: I was not aware that you could kill people with your mind, Dave. I didn't think you had it in you!  
TG: enough with the snarking this is actually pretty serious  
TT: If it was serious, then why didn't you come to me and talk about it earlier?  
TT: It doesn't seem very prudent of you to leave me uninformed on such an issue.  
TG: i told davesprite to not worry about it because if it wasnt completely killing him on the inside we should be fine  
TG: we agreed to keep it between ourselves since if we did anything about it  
TG: it might muck everything up and make everything worse  
TG: so thats why i didnt mention it til now  
TT: How intriguing.  
TT: Your observations seem to fit with the narrative I gleaned from the troll I talked to.  
TT: Mind you, it was not the most productive dialogue.  
TG: yeah so who was this eridan guy again  
TT: This was the same individual that wanted to roleplay drugging you at a faux-Roman gala and have their way with you.  
TT: Non-consensually, I might add.  
TT: Dave?  
TG: one sec  
TG: i just split a gut here  
TG: oh god i cant believe i forgot about that  
TG: hahahahaha  
TT: As much as you enjoy the troll's misguided penchant for romance, I believe we should start delving into the core of our discussion before we get lost on a tangent.  
TG: ok  
TG: alright im fine now  
TG: so what was it exactly did the troll say to tip you off  
TT: First off, I want to point out that the way they approached me implied that someone or something guided them my way.  
TT: I know this to be a fact as they inquired if I was actually Rose partway through our conversation.  
TG: that doesnt sound like much though  
TG: seems to me that the guy might have been mixed up  
TT: Exactly, now you're getting it.  
TT: Since you and I are present unaware of what is going on, it is only logical to therefore assume that the troll was actually trying to get a hold of John and not me.  
TG: isnt it possible that it could be jade at the root of everything  
TG: not that i seriously think shes responsible im just playing devils advocate here  
TT: A valid point. But what use would they have for someone who is currently not in the game?  
TT: While there is still a slim chance that she might be involved, it would make it easier on us to keep her out of this for the time being.  
TG: yeah  
TG: plus i cant really see her talking to any of them  
TG: she straight up hates their guts  
TT: Then again, if I was pestered endlessly for months on end to the same extent she was, I would no doubt be in the same position as well.  
TG: right but were getting off the rails here  
TG: what else did troll caesar and his lonely hearts club say  
TT: He spent most of our colloquy warning me not to trust this "Vriska" character, which we can only assume that she is someone John has been in contact with.  
TG: yeah that names pulling a blank  
TT: Sadly, I was not able to glean any other useable information about our mystery benefactor without drawing undue suspicion.  
TG: not even her handle huh  
TG: fat lot of good that does  
TG: "oh my god look dave we got something that might pose a danger to us all but we dont even know if its worth even caring about or it might kill us dead"  
TG: yeah sure buddy you go on ahead  
TG: im just going to be over here making a killing over here at alligator central  
TG: al capone weeping fat tears over an unfinished chicago deep dish pizza at the racket im running  
TT: Poetic as always, Dave.  
TT: There was also another troll that they alluded to near the end of our correspondence, who goes by the name of Aradia.  
TT: They connoted that she has been in contact with John and that she too has apparently taken up an interest in him.  
TG: seriously  
TG: i thought i had it bad with one troll babe trying to hop in my pants  
TG: but johns making huggy bear look like a low rate hustler with his intergalactic conquests  
TT: I seriously doubt that John has any present desire for romantic endeavors, much less with faceless aliens he has never met before.  
TG: am i detecting some jealousy  
TT: What?  
TT: No, don't be preposterous. John is a close friend of mine, nothing more.  
TG: haha im just yanking your chain  
TG: chill  
TT: I suggest that you refrain from making such observations in the near future. It's not very becoming of someone like yourself.  
TG: laying it on thick like mayo  
TT: As I was saying before you cut me off, it turns out that there has also been some tension on their side of things as well.  
TT: From what I inferred, Aradia has been taken hostage by the other troll, Vriska, for her past connection to John.  
TG: huh what  
TG: it feels like i just missed out on something vital here  
TG: can you repeat that  
TT: Again, this is just an educated guess from what little information I was given.  
TT: All I know for sure is that Vriska is somehow preventing Aradia from reaching John.  
TT: Whether or not this bodes ill for our session is still uncertain, but I am not sure whether we should do anything about it or not.  
TG: you know what  
TT: What?  
TG: i got this amazing idea and i want you to hear me out alright  
TT: You have an audience.  
TG: ok  
TG: what if  
TG: bear with me here  
TG: what if i just talk to john about this  
TG: crazy i know  
TT: I was going to contact him after this was over, actually.  
TG: no  
TG: i feel like i should be the one to talk to him because he might ignore you on principle  
TT: Why? I have a better grasp of the situation on hand than you do.  
TT: The last thing I want this farce to turn into is a convoluted game of Chinese whispers.  
TG: do you even remember when you and john last talked  
TT: Hm.  
TT: ...  
TT: Oh yes, we conversed when I first woke up on my planet, but we haven't spoken to each other since.  
TG: jesus christ  
TG: even ive been keeping tabs on him and im a lazy bastard  
TG: are you that busy with tearing your planet apart like some kind of captain planet supervillain that you cant even bother to see how hes doing  
TT: He contacted me, not the other way around.  
TG: case in point  
TG: yeah im just going to go talk to him  
TT: Is there no way to dissuade you from bumbling through this?  
TG: how about a compromise  
TG: you send me the log you had and ill look through it  
TG: that way i wont bumblefuck my way through yet another hamfisted convo with john  
TT: If you insist.  
TT: I fail to see the point of this, but I will not argue my piece any further.  
TT: However, I am only sending you this on the condition that this document remains private between the two of us.  
TT: Understood?  
TG: k  
TT: Good.  
\--tentacleTherapist [TT] sent turntechGodhead [TG] the file "CATrollLog2.rtf" --  
TT: I only say that not because of its contents, but because it might set off a chain of unforeseen events that could capitulate outside of our control.  
TG: tl;dr  
TT: Don't show this to anyone.  
TG: roger  
TG: so is this the part where you start bawling or something while i stoically walk off in the distance right  
TG: maybe with some ironic fanfare playing in the background  
TT: Haha, very funny, Dave.  
TT: Good luck, by the way. You're going to need it.

tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]  


TG: dont even let me say goodbye or anything alright  
TG: thats cool  
TG: man this is gonna suck isnt it  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By not-so-popular request, I have a Tumblr now! Check out my profile if you wish to ask me a question or just find out what I'm working on for the time being.


	20. Dave: Procrastinate.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The chain begins to crumble.

Turning off your ISHADES, you rub your eyes in exhaustion and flop back down onto your bed. Sometimes, you just wish you could put the whole world on pause and spend the next few hours just staring at the ceiling. Much to your disappointment, the only thing you can do with your cool time powers is creating an entourage filled with your past and future selves. As cool as that might sound, you just wish you could have a remote instead, if only to bypass all this bullshit.

Speaking of bullshit, the seemingly endless parade of trolls is really starting to wear you down. First, John gets killed by paradox, forcing some time travel fuckery where you are now both yourself and your own sprite. And even then, he still listened to the person that killed him! Now, he's caught in yet another contrived plan that you will no doubt have to bail him out of. If you had your way, you'd stick that bespectacled nerd in the booster seat where he belongs, bib and safety helmet included.

in your dream you are the dad. [its you](http://i.imgur.com/KoTT4NJ.jpg)

Fatherly tendencies aside, is John really at fault for any of this? Maybe you are being too hard on the dork since he doesn't know any better. Then again, you're not one to talk, seeing as how you struck up a chummy friendship with the very person that got him killed. It begins to dawn on you that you're not very good at this.

With a heavy sigh, you power your ISHADES back on. You can see the unopened log that Rose sent you earlier, sitting to the side and beckoning you to open it. In any other situation, you would have jumped at that opportunity. But now, all you feel is complete and utter indifference. Would passing the word along really change anything? Instead, it might just botch everything up and make things even worse than before, like pretty much everything else that happened today.

But just as you move to get up from your bed, a new PESTERWINDOW pops into your field of vision. You might as well answer, it's not like you're in any real hurry.

apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG]  


AA: greetings dave   
AA: h0w d0 y0u d0   
TG: excuse me while i go dig my head into a hole somewhere   
TG: flap my scrawny ostrich wings about in a passe attempt at blocking out any and all communication with yet another troll   
TG: because i know nothing good is going to come out of this   
AA: w0uld y0u prefer if i left y0u al0ne t0 y0ur 0wn devices   
TG: yes   
AA: as much as i w0uld like t0 0blige y0ur request   
AA: the timeline has necessitated that 0ur c0nversati0n must take place   
AA: t0 g0 against it w0uld bring unwelc0me changes   
TG: oh golly gee   
TG: i sure am ready for some more nonsensical bullcrap on my plate   
TG: just pile it on dont even stop   
TG: this is the all you can eat buffet and im pigging out like im the last man on earth   
AA: is it cust0mary f0r humans t0 be s0 rude in addressing a stranger   
AA: even if they might pr0ve t0 be an ally   
TG: not really   
TG: but ive been up to my neck in trolls all day   
TG: the only ones thats been kind of ok is t-z   
TG: and even then shes still pretty fucking weird but in a cool way   
TG: im a little on edge here so cut me some slack   
AA: i understand that my friends may n0t be the m0st   
AA: c00perative   
AA: but i believe that we can c0me t0 an acc0rd that may benefit the b0th 0f us   
TG: how so   
AA: f0r 0ne    
AA: y0u are a time player are y0u n0t   
TG: yeah im a player alright   
TG: but what does that have to do with anything   
AA: i t00 have time as my aspect   
AA: y0u are the knight 0f time c0rrect   
AA: ribbit   
TG: im not even going to ask why you know all this   
AA: if y0u wish t0 kn0w it is a side effect 0f 0ur parallel sessi0ns   
AA: i am n0t pr0phetic t0 any degree as i am 0nly a maid 0f time using the t00ls presented t0 her   
AA: it is my duty t0 maintain causality and see t0 it that everything remains in 0rder   
TG: right   
TG: we both have the same aspect but what exactly are you gunning for here   
AA: i am using 0ur mutually shared r0les as a way t0 bridge the gaps between 0ur species   
AA: think 0f it as a way f0r me t0 0btain y0ur trust   
AA: because i believe 0ur g0als are very much aligned   
TG: ill listen   
TG: but only on one condition   
AA: and what may that be   
TG: that you tell me who you are   
TG: because i know youre involved in this unmitigated clusterfuck of time bullshit thats been heaped onto my sunday brunch   
AA: y0u w0uld n0t be wr0ng   
AA: my name is aradia if y0u must kn0w   
TG: well   
TG: shit   
TG: so   
TG: exactly what the hell is going on?   
TG: its a fucking tall order i know but i want answers   
TG: like whats the deal with you and john or davesprite being all out of whack because none of this shit is making sense to me   
AA: i believe i sh0uld start fr0m the beginning t0 simplify matters   
AA: if that is 0k with y0u   
TG: fine by me   
AA: when we fled the dem0n that prevented the success 0f 0ur sessi0n   
AA: 0ur timeline was fixed and set in st0ne that if we went against it   
AA: it w0uld usher in calamity and cha0s if we played thr0ugh that sessi0n   
AA: but at the same time even if we did f0ll0w the timeline   
AA: several 0f us w0uld end up dead bef0re the scratch w0uld 0ccur   
AA: im n0t sure why i b0thered t0 fight against it   
AA: it might have been pride 0r h0pe but it d0esnt matter n0w   
AA: i decided t0 gamble 0n the chance that i c0uld change 0ur 0utc0me thr0ugh subtle interference   
AA: s0mething that w0uld stress the timeline but n0t necessarily d00m it   
AA: s0 that we may have a different ending that w0uld be m0re fav0rable f0r success   
TG: just play hot potato with everyones fate in your hands and hope you dont drop it and kill us all   
TG: thats cool   
TG: actually no it isnt   
TG: thats not cool at all   
TG: dont you think you should have   
TG: oh i dont know   
TG: told literally anyone else about this before taking the wheel and driving us all off a cliff   
TG: with a big fucking funeral waiting for us at the bottom   
TG: except in our case   
TG: there would be no funeral   
TG: because everyones dead   
AA: whats a funeral   
TG: oh right youre a troll i almost forgot   
TG: a funeral is this big corpse party where we decorate the deceased in suits   
TG: where we pretend to give two shits about them before getting wasted on booze and instigating family drama afterward   
AA: as fun as that s0unds   
AA: i believe i sh0uld tell the rest 0f my st0ry bef0re i anger y0u further   
TG: oh im not mad   
TG: just disappointed   
AA: if y0u insist   
AA: due t0 my acti0ns i have bec0me inv0luntarily b0und t0 the will 0f 0ur timeline   
AA: which began with me breaking the 0riginal sequence by c0ntacting y0ur friend j0hn   
TG: quick question   
TG: why john of all people   
AA: 0riginally i did it 0ut 0f spite   
AA: m0stly t0 get an upper hand 0n an0ther tr0ll f0r murdering me   
TG: ok im not going to ask for the details of your weird ass life stories   
TG: im already having to deal with blind troll pollock and thats enough for me   
AA: as y0u wish   
AA: but g0ing back t0 j0hn   
AA: i ch0se him specifically because at the time it w0uld spite her   
AA: but n0w i feel as we have a cl0se friendship t0 supersede that reas0n   
TG: that being   
AA: vriska   
TG: another five points to team strider   
AA: excuse me   
TG: nothing nothing   
AA: very well   
AA: everything was p0sed t0 g0 as planned but s0mething went wr0ng al0ng the way   
AA: i am n0t sure what happened but s0me0ne 0r s0mething tipped her 0ff t0 what i was d0ing   
AA: ribbit   
AA: she then f0rbade me fr0m speaking with j0hn   
AA: even th0ugh that was the expected 0utc0me fr0m my acti0ns at the time   
AA: she did it much earlier than she was supp0sed t0   
AA: and as such she has unintenti0nally altered the timeline   
TG: so how bad is this   
TG: are we talking michael jackson bad or cataclysmic bad   
AA: ap0calyptically   
AA: i cann0t share the details 0f what will happen in the c0ming h0urs   
AA: but i can assure y0u that my 0riginal plan has failed   
TG: thats   
TG: not reassuring what the fuck   
TG: are you saying that everything is fubar right now and that we should pack it up   
TG: might as well phone it in and stick a fork in it while were at it   
AA: n0t entirely   
AA: but its just as bad as the 0utc0me bef0re i tried t0 change it   
AA: if n0t w0rse   
TG: thanks thats exactly what i need to hear right now   
TG: not only is everything ending as we know it   
TG: but somehow theres something worse waiting for us at the end of this shitheap tunnel   
TG: good job heres a trophy   
AA: i kn0w it s0unds awful but it is n0t my fault   
AA: at first i th0ught everything w0uld c0ntinue as n0rmal when i returned t0 my usual duties   
AA: but all 0f my careful w0rk has been laid t0 waste   
AA: and instead a new sequence has taken its place   
AA: 0ne that i am fearful 0f changing due t0 its v0latile nature   
TG: how can you say this isnt your fault   
TG: you were the one that started this timeline smorgasbord in the first place   
TG: you cant just shift the blame onto somebody else and say golly gee its out of my hands   
TG: thats a fucking copout and we both know it   
AA: please st0p   
AA: i d0 n0t wish t0 antag0nize y0u further   
AA: there is little i can d0 n0w but pr0vided that j0hn keeps f0ll0wing the instructi0ns i gave him   
AA: i believe there is still h0pe f0r this sessi0n t0 make it thr0ugh with s0me success   
TG: thats not going to happen   
TG: the buck is stopping here   
TG: im gonna tell john that his troll galpal got broadside schoolfed up the bone bulge and set the orphanage on fire   
TG: all the kids are now dead because of her   
TG: maybe then hed get the hint   
AA: d0nt   
AA: st0p   
TG: dont stop gotcha   
TG: conversation over im out   
AA: st0p st0p st0p st0p st0p st0p!!   
AA: i 0nly wish t0 be friends is that s0 much t0 ask$%@ f0r++   
TG: whoa calm down   
AA: i extend a laur%^el and y0u b(space*? int n; rand(1 - 152);))urn it   
AA: why is everything s0 painful s0 awful s0 tri+i+i+i+ite!   
AA: i try t0 fix things and_they 0nly get RIBBIT w0rse   
AA: n0b0dy tries t0 be c0nstructive   
AA: it is n0t very g00d it is #@#(*%_)%#_+ BAD   
AA: we are !~d~0~0~m~e~d~   
TG: huh   
AA: d0 y0u think c0nstructi0n is = easier; 0r harder than destructi0n   
TG: uh   
TG: whats with the glitches   
AA: what gl(i)tches   
AA: 0h    
AA: 0h n0    
AA: 0h n0 0h n0 n0t yet n0t yet**(null)   
AA: i was s0 caught up that i did n0t see - ERR0R:BAD EXPRESSI0N -   
AA: n0 n0 n0 n0 i need((( m0re time   
AA: bslick have mercy 0n us f0r 0ur_failure and my_0wn as we have s0wn^(x + y^2) cha0s   
AA: im s0rry d@.ve   
TG: hold on stop what are you doing   
AA: please tell j0hn +ha+ im s0rry f0r h0w n=(all) turned 0ut   
AA: i fail;;ed   
AA: i d0 n0t wish f0r y0u_&_j0hn t0 be mad at me   
AA: please f0rgive $me$   
AA: g00d_***bye   
TG: wait stop   
TG: yo   
TG: you there?   
TG: uh   
AA: WHAT IN THE NAME OF HOLY GLOBE GROPING FUCK DID YOU DO???   
TG: did what now   
AA: JUST   
AA: FUCK YOU.

apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG]  


TG: what  
TG: just happened  



End file.
